Outside my head…and house!

After 6 months of fairly regular (and often consistent for days) pain and suffering that prevented me from eating solid foods, standing or walking, or functioning beyond the most basic existence, and causing me to lose 75 pounds, I headed to the Emergency Room on Thursday May 27th where I was admitted, and stayed the next 8 days, being discharged this past Thursday June 3rd. I spent 4 days on Morphine trying to regulate my pain while I was pumped full of a variety of strong antibiotics, saline solution, and Prednisone. Things began improving rapidly by the 4th day, and 4 days later, I was sent home pain free, able to eat solid foods once again, and feeling as close to my normal self as I have since sometime in December 2020. Copious amounts of tests were run, and I have several follow-ups to discuss the results and determine what caused all this and how we prevent it from happening again. Honestly, I truly believed my body was shutting down once and for all and I would never leave the hospital. So you can imagine my state of mind when I learned of Anne Marie’s death, which hit me on so many levels I was almost numb with fear and grief.

In a nutshell, it was a very difficult time.

Fast forward to yesterday. I had spent many days working through my negative emotions, which were now conflated with feelings of relief, surprise, disbelief, and gratefulness that I actually survived and was now home once again with my beloved husband and dogs, functioning and feeling near normal (for me.) I decided I needed to pull myself out of this emotional haze and get back to the very important business of living my life. So I showered, shaved, dressed, got my house in order (aka de-sick-zoned it) and prepared a list of errands I needed to run and items I needed to purchase. You know – normal things healthy people do. Jeffrey drove us all over, allowing me to pick up items for our yard and home, check out a new comic store that had opened, and purchase much needed clothing as everything I own literally hangs on me or falls off of me. (I had to hold up the pants I was wearing by the waist to prevent them from slipping down while we were out in public.) This was my first out and about since March 2020 and getting fully vaccinated in April of this year. we remained masked at all times (unlike the bulk of the people we saw), and did not linger anywhere (except at the department store where I had to try on clothes.) It felt amazing to be doing it, and it was a much needed distraction from the thoughts swirling in my head.

Today, to keep the momentum going, I got out in the yard early (before the sweltering 90 degree temps hit) to do some clean-up and get the porch and patio set-up, cleaned, and in usable condition. It was wonderful to be out in the fresh air and sunshine, listening to the birds and marveling at how quickly our yard was recovering from last years upheavel (septic repair, fence installation, and tree removals.) The trees, most of which we planted upon purchasing and moving in 9 years ago, were really sprouting and the grass was growing back at remarkable pace. After cleaning up tree branch debris, washing off the patio and furniture, and watering plots of seeds I had planted weeks ago during a pain-free moment in the hopes of getting some flowers to grow, we headed out for one or two more errands while our “lawn lady” mowed our property. When we arrived home, I was beyond elated to see how wonderful the yard looked. But don’t take my word for it…see for yourself:

Front of house
Right side of house with lovely bloomed roses.
Side of house – firewood and tool storage area
Right corner with half grown Thujas, planted 3 years ago.
Center yard and patio with path to stone bench framed by apple trees. (That’s a Dogwood to the left in front of the screened porch.)
Left corner…this was solid dirt last summer. Love love love our new fence.
Pavilion and grilling area. I got the Impatients today. We will spend much of the summer out here, as temps allow.
Screened Porch – favorite morning coffee and evening cocktail spot.

It was an important and much needed shift, after months of sickness and seclusion, to be fostering growth and reveling in being outdoors among the grass and trees and birds and bees.

And, as silly as it may sound, I like thinking that maybe the impetus to get up and go and get back into life as usual was inspired by the lingering embers and energy of a Warrior Queen who taught us all that we should live, laugh, and love without hesitation or apology. And fuck anyone or anything that tries to stand in our way…even if it’s our own bodies.

Stay healthy and safe, all.

28 thoughts on “Outside my head…and house!

  1. I am so sorry to read what you have been through, and thank heavens you pulled through. I can imagine it’s been rough… and I know we hear all this time, to think positive when we hit the bottom, and then hit the bottom further down again…I know, but a good and positive outlook and wanting to enjoy life really does get one through…and some how, we always muster the strength to muddle through. That’s a survivor. Like you I enjoy life, but Anne Marie has taught me now to not wait, but enjoy now, in the moment. For we never know. Ill be even more spontaneous.

    Here’s to hoping your health continues!!!!!!!


  2. Such prolonged trials you live through time after time – it just goes on and on and on. I fervently hope that will be the last of them and you can now live a life of at least relative comfort without further distractions on the health scene. You deserve nothing less after such a succession of Purgatories. And the tragic news of W.Q. would have been the last thing you wanted to hear at such a time, though there must be quite a number of us who are not yet over the shock of it.
    At least you clearly have regained a tone of positivity in your writing and fine photos. With the continued help of Jeffrey [bless ‘im], and of both your doggies [bless ’em too] may this now be the state of your future]. Very best wishes to you.


    • You could give Hallmark a run for their money with your ability to express compassion and encouragement, RB. As always, your comment is uplifting and greatly appreciated.


      • If that’s how I appear to be, S/b, then I have no quarrel with that – though thanks for saying so. All my life whenever I’ve heard of anyone in difficulty which was not occasioned by their own actions I’ve automatically thought “How would I myself feel if that was me?” – and when I realised that everyone does NOT think like that I could never understand why they don’t. It takes no effort to be in that mindset. – somehow it was just programmed into me. The same process goes on in my mind when I see an animal, ANY animal, suffering, and I’m thankful for having it. It’s so satisfying when one is recognised as not being a threat to them.


  3. Carpe Diem! Sorry to hear you had another bad spell, good to hear you are bouncing back, be like a Tigger, be brave, be strong


  4. What a time you have had. I’m glad you are better and back on the blog. You have been missed. Keep well and the yard looks great.
    Cheers Peter


  5. Nice yard there. And here someone has been watching Downton Abbey. Heard them mention Asparagus salad. It’s Asparagus, tomatoes, feta cheese, and siced radishes. That with some salmon and a dressing made of olive oil, lemon juice, dijon mustard, maple syrup, and some white wine vinegar because try finding Champagne Vinegar down here. I made the dressing already. When time comes I’ll season and cook the fish, then par boil the asparagus. Just till it turns bright green.


  6. You never cease to amaze me. You can be down and out one minute and reorganizing the house, the yard and your life the next. I stand in awe of all that you have been through and yet you come out of it smiling and moving forward. You are truly an inspiration! Thank you. Hugs, love and healing thoughts sent out to you.


  7. I am so glad to read that you’ve gotten through this latest bout. Your pictures are absolutely beautiful. I loved looking at them. I know what you mean about Anne Marie. I think of her often and imagine what she’d say. We only have been given one life and we have to make the most of it!


  8. Wow. What an emotional rollercoaster, and not the good kind. I had no idea that the gut had gotten worse again.

    Did the doctors find out what happened?


  9. I’m so sorry to hear you went through all of that. Now we know why your tone was a little different after Anne Marie passed. I’m glad to see you’re returning to your life, and the home really, really looks lovely.


  10. This is my first time visiting your blog. I’ve seen your comments on a few blogs that I follow so came to say hello. Glad you’re feeling better. You seem to have a very good spirit towards life. That is key. Your yard is fabulous. Stay safe!


  11. Wonderful, wonderful news that you’re hone again! We are one of the few who value each day of “regular” life as a gift and treasure. I love your back yard, so inviting and cozy. This is the first time I’ve seen it without a covering of snow! I hope the coming months are comfortable and pain free for you and Jeffery. By the way, you’re one tough competitor on Scrabble. You keep me on my toes.


    • Thank you. So glad to finally be on the real road to recovery and grateful every day I wake up pain free and able to function. We love our backyard – it was a big selling point for us. And who you kidding? You whoop my but more often than not, but I love playing you, regardless.


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