Dated and done!

22 years ago, tonight, Jeffrey asked me out for coffee. He’s never left my side, since.

Thank you Jeffrey, for all that you’ve shown me, taught me, shared with me, given me, built with me, and supported me through.

Now, more than ever, I am so grateful for your presence in my life.

I am the luckiest.

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

For David

It is a sad day.

This morning I awoke to a post on Facebook that had been posted 3 hours prior: my friend David (and former blogger at “Facing Traffic”, “Another Mile Marker”, and others as he changed his blog name a few times) chose to end his life. He made a final post on Facebook and, by the time I awoke and read it, he was in the hospital on a breathing tube. A family member was kind enough to keep us all posted on his status. I’ve been checking for status updates all day. It was confirmed a few minutes ago that Dave’s injuries were fatal and the family was taking him off life support. Dave was an organ donor. It is ironic and sad: he was kind enough to provide life giving organs to others, while unable to find something inside himself to save his own life.

I’d like to say I’m stunned, but I’ve known David for a few years and I know he struggled with bipolar depression, among other things. I tried to be as available for David as I could be as a long-distance friend, responding anytime he reached out, always reminding him I was here to talk, and our door was always open if he needed a place to go. But I know he struggled and I knew this was always a possibility.

We texted regularly over the years and got to know each other pretty well (I think.) When he adopted his dog Cooper (I always called him “The Coop”) a couple years ago and named us Cooper’s “godparents” (funny in that we were both atheists) we visited him to meet them both and had a great weekend hanging out, cementing our friendship. In all honesty, I encouraged him to get a dog, hoping it might provide him some regular affection and company and give him an extra incentive to keep fighting to survive when things grew darkest.

David and I were in touch almost weekly, usually sharing our ailments, dog daddy experiences, and our job struggles: me with hating mine, him with difficulties finding and holding a job that could accommodate his challenges. There was always the promise of another visit: us there or him here, as soon as we could make it happen. We stayed candid with each other, and David knew he could tell me anything and I would listen, without judgement.

Most recently, David told me he had been working at a Casino that had a branch in my area and he was considering transferring here. I tried to give him as much info about the area as I could, assuring him we would gladly and enthusiastically welcome him and the Coop with open arms if they decided to relocate. It was exciting to think he and Cooper might become local friends. (According to his final Facebook post, he has been unemployed for four months, so now I don’t know if the Casino thing was true or not.)

I am not angry at David for making this choice. I am sad that my friend is gone. I am sad that Cooper lost his Dad. I am sad that David suffered so much for so long and felt so hopeless and helpless. I am sad that he was alone in his final moments of awareness, unable or unwilling to find the strength to reach out for help one more time. And I am sad that, despite knowing better, my friendship wasn’t somehow special or strong enough to be his “saving grace” or lifeline.

This is the third time I have lost a blogger buddy to death, the second time it was due to suicide, but the first time it was someone I considered a real friend.

I am sorry this was the only way he could fathom to end his pain.

I will miss him.

Posted in Uncategorized | 21 Comments

Holidays are work

I try to foster a casual, friendly atmosphere at work; thus, year round, my cubicle is full of superhero and giraffe paraphernalia. But, once December hits, I transition to more seasonal decor:

We are still buried under a couple feet of snow here. It isn’t supposed to warm up until next week, when it’s predicted we’ll get two days in the high forties. I hope enough snow melts to uncover our outside holiday decorations and lights. It bums me out that they’re currently hidden from view. I may just have to take matters into my own hands…

…I hope I have enough extension cords to reach the displays with my hairdryer.

*smirk*

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Nobody snows the trouble I see…

So it snowed a little. These pictures were taken after Jeffrey snowblowed (snowblew?) and I shoveled:

The front porch and driveway

IMG_9960

The front yard  (all our outdoor decorations and lights are buried in snow except the tippy-tops of two x-mas trees.)

IMG_9965

The backyard with appropriate dog paths shoveled

IMG_9969IMG_9967

They couldn’t wait to use their new potty paths

IMG_9966

Since the Governor closed down state offices today, we are enjoying our adult snow day at home, snuggled with the dogs by the fire watching an Iron Man movie marathon.

The pups grew exhausted waiting for us to finish shoveling their backdoor bathroom.

IMG_9971

Such a special treat for all of us!

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Snow Day!

As you may have heard, the Northeast is getting a bit of snow.

To my shock, I was just informed by my boss, via text, that the Governor has shut down all state offices tomorrow due to the weather conditions.

We are getting a freakin’ SNOW DAY!

(FYI: in my 21 + years working for the state, this has NEVER happened.)

Who’s got two thumbs and is hitting the snooze button tomorrow?

This guy!

Woohoo!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Because the battle rages on

Recognize. Reflect. Remember. Respond.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Split Rock

Hi all. I’m finally home and all the happy juice wore off, so I’m posting one last update (after a multitude of texts) before I descend into darkness and pain. (Cue dramatic music…maybe something from Phantom?)

Unfortunately, there were some complications: the surgery took longer than expected, stones had formed on my stent, they didn’t get all the stones out, and I need follow-up surgery in 2 weeks. It took me forever to void post-procedure, so we got stuck at the hospital for hours beyond what we anticipated. I’m exhausted and I have some residual issues and discomfort and will most likely be out of work the rest of the week

I’m sure you’ve deduced by now that we won’t be going away to CT for Thanksgiving; so I had the unpleasant task of sending my regrets to Jim and the gang. Very sad and disappointing, indeed.

Alas, poor Jeffrey. He dropped me off at home, then headed back out to the grocery store (after a 12 hour day of medical crap, mind you, in the cold and dark) TWO days before Thanksgiving, to try to put together a last minute Turkey Day dinner for us. Seriously. The guy is a freakin’ saint. (And he did great!)

It’s certainly not what we planned or hoped, but if we’ve learned nothing in 20+ years of battling/dealing with chronic illness together, it’s that life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.

Despite all this bad news:

I’m grateful to have excellent health insurance and can seek care whenever I need it.

I’m grateful to have a compassionate, supportive spouse, life partner and caretaker that has never left my side once, and has seen me through all of it, without a gripe or a grind. He is my constant cheerleader, advocate, and hero.

I’m grateful to be home, with pain meds, warm safe, and dry, with my husbands and dogs.

I’m grateful to have a job that I can miss time from without losing pay or risking being let go.

I’m grateful for good medical people and staff that take care of me.

I’m grateful for friends (and blogger buddies) who send sweet and kind messages of support and are understanding when I have to disappear for awhile or cancel plans.

And, finally, I’m grateful I’m still here on this earth, for better or for worse. This body may be broken, but I ain’t going down without a fight.

(I just wish disease hurt a little less.)

If Turkey Day is a holiday you celebrate, I hope you have a fantastic, delicious, peaceful, fun, warm, safe, HEALTHY Thanksgiving

Be well, and I’ll work on getting better, too!

Hugs.

Sassybear

Posted in Uncategorized | 18 Comments

Hospitable Hospital

I got a call yesterday from my surgeon that they had an opening in todays surgery schedule at the hospital if I wanted to move my kidney stone removal procedure up from December 3rd to today. I jumped at the chance to get this done sooner than later so, after a long day of getting all my pre-op tests and documents in order, I am all set to be prepped, probed, prodded, poked, and purged of my prodigious pebbles. I need to arrive at 8:40 for a 10:40 surgery time. Thankfully, Harvey made sure we were all awake before 6am so I wouldn’t be late.

Since it’s an out-patient, routine procedure, we’re hoping I feel well enough to follow-through with our plans to head to CT tomorrow for Thanksgiving. If not, we’ll be spending the day with the dogs by the fire eating tuna salad and watching “Bob’s Burgers.”

Kinda sounds like a win to me, either way.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Quiet Time

I haven’t shared much lately. We’ve been super busy doing stuff I can’t mention until the day after Thanksgiving cuz it’s not the beginning of that holiday yet. I’ll fill you in on 11/29. Let’s just say there’s been some joy, some heartache, and some exhaustion as we prep for the holiday next.

The weather’s been pretty crappy here, alternating between rain and sleet for the better of the past week. Not to mention the co-o-o-o-old. Brrrrrrr!

We will head out after work Wednesday to spend Turkey Day in CT with the BFF and his clan, then we’ll head home Friday for the official start of the ho-ho-holiday in Sassyland.

My kidney stone removal is scheduled for the following week, on 12/3. That’ll be a relief to have it done and, a week later, I’ll get my stent out permanently. (Yay!) Just in time to celebrate X-mas and the New Year!

To end, a gratuitous shot of a pretty lady in bed:

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Deliver-ring power

Today I got a nice surprise in the mail. I had ordered a replica Green Lantern power ring a few weeks ago and it finally arrived. It came in this fabulous little embossed green box:

The ring itself is made of plastic. I must have misread the description when I ordered it, because I thought it was made of metal. Oh well. It’s still cool looking:

And it fits, sort of. I can fit it on my middle finger, but it punches the skin underneath a little:

The coolest part, and main reason I bought it, is that it lights up:

Let those who worship evil’s might,

Beware my power, Green Lantern’s light!

Another great version of the power ring to add to my collection:

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments