Struggle Strangle

“Life isn’t supposed to be an all or nothing battle between misery and bliss. Life isn’t supposed to be a battle at all. And when it comes to happiness, well, sometimes life is just okay, sometimes it’s comfortable, sometimes wonderful, sometimes boring, sometimes unpleasant. When your day’s not perfect, it’s not a failure or a terrible loss. It’s just another day.”
~ Barbara Sher

Today was a rough (work) day. On top of an avalanche of “need it yesterday” tasks, I interviewed for another promotion (yes, I just got one, but I’m eligible for this one, too), and left knowing it was not a job I wanted. I argued with myself all the way home from work, insisting I’d have to take it if it was offered, and also that I did not have to take it if it would make me miserable (I’m sure it would.) I don’t know why I berate myself for thinking “this is where I am and it is good enough.” I’ve worked hard to move up in my agency for the last 20 years and have already obtained a position higher than I ever thought I would as the manager of my current unit; and yet, I still push myself to take more exams and go for higher positions, knowing I’m perfectly content right where I am, even when I have rough days like today. I don’t want to spend the remaining 8 years, 1 month and 14 days of my work life struggling to learn brand new jobs in brand new departments for a few extra bucks a year. I feel like I’m ready to stay put and do a good job right where I am. Does that make me a bad person?


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Jury – rigged

Last week, I received a summons for Jury duty for this week (“for the duration of one week or one trial if selected.”). While I begrudgingly accept my obligation to participate in the process, I hate the (possible) disruption to my life and the nightly agitation as I dial the number to find out if I have to attend the next day.

If I am called in, I hope I do not get selected to serve for a trial. Partly because it would be extremely disruptive to my job and office where I have just been promoted to manager (and, to a lesser degree, my personal life,) and partly because having to go to new places and navigate new situations (especially alone) fills me with extreme anxiety.

I was relieved to find out I do not have to attend today, and hope my luck holds out for the rest of the week. If I do get called this week, maybe I should wear the following t-shirt, to ensure my exclusion:

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Temptation (NSFW)

As an atheist, I don’t celebrate Easter, but these collected images from the day could tempt me to change my mind:

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It IS easy being Green

It was a rough day at work. The person who was passed over for the promotion in favor of me is trying their best to make everyone around them miserable at work and is apparently dragging my name through the mud on the Facebooks. It’s sad and a little pathetic, and I know there’s nothing I can do about it, but it’s making things miserable at work for people who don’t deserve it. I’ll never understand people like this and what they gain from being an a**hole to everyone.

However, I got home to find this little guy waiting for me:


It was a surprise gift from everyone’s favorite Californian. And I wasn’t the only recipient of his thoughtfulness, either.

This little guy is giving me the extra will power to make it through the week.

Blogger Buddies ROCK!

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The latest gut episode has passed and I’m feeling mostly back to normal (for me.) It is such a relief to wake up with no pain or discomfort.

I celebrated by having scrambled eggs for breakfast. The only thing I had eaten in the last 24 hours was a mug of broth and a slice of gluten free toast. While my weight could benefit from several weeks of this lack of calories, it is hard to keep going when there’s no fuel in the body and you’re already exhausted from non-stop pain.

Fortunately, these episodes are fewer and far between than they once were, and are only brought on when I try some new med (OTC or Rx), overeat, or get inadvertently “glutened.” Most of that I can control by being careful and making good choices.

Another contributing factor is stress, which I do not manage well, and I’ve had copious amounts of lately. However, life can be stressful, so it’s kind of hard to avoid that all together. My job is the biggest (although not only) source of stress in my life, but I can’t really walk away from my job to remove that source (at least for another 8 years, 1 month and 21 days, but who’s counting?) I just have to learn to manage it better and not make myself sick (literally) worrying about it.

Or I need to get myself a body pillow-sized stress ball.

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