This is Jim

This is Jim.

Jim loves gluten.

Jim knows Sean can’t eat gluten.

Jim likes reminding Sean he loves gluten.

Jim is cruel.

Don’t be like Jim!

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Peek A Boo

Photo on Tuesday1-26-16 at 6.50 PM

I’m still around. The commitment to eating better and getting more exercise is going well. I’m down 2+ pounds and feeling good about exercising regularly again. I’ve a long way to go, but I’m off to a good start. I’ve been keeping busy working on ouse projects: a little purging, a little painting, a little puttering around, and a little putting things in order. I would definitely say I’ve been productive. BUT, all work and no play is making me a bit cranky. So, we’ll be heading to Connecticut this weekend to see a show and spend some time with Jim and Ken – and there may just be a cocktail or two.

Woohoo!

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New Name

  
Henceforth, Rita Mae shall be known as “Sweeta” Mae, because she’s just so damn  sweet!

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Thanks Mom

Sometimes, she just gets it right!

  

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Cold comfort

It was cold yesterday. Not a shock. It’s  New York. It’s January. It’s to be expected. Except it’s been unseasonably warm and snow-free and despite my best effort, I got used to it. Now I’m cold all the time, some of which, I’m convinced, is psychosomatic. Just knowing how cold it is outside makes me shiver. 

Last night, after getting home from work and  spending 2 hours assembling our new treadmill, we stopped for dinner (Roast Turkey Breast and steamed vegetables).  I just couldn’t get warm. It was too late in the night to start a fire, so I put on a sweatshirt, we turned up the heat, I grabbed the blanket, and I whipped up some Sugar Free Swiss Miss Cocoa, which I sipped from one of my new giraffe mugs (part of a set of four that I got for Christmas.) 

  
Ahhhhhhh! Definitely warned my bones. But this is what warned my heart:

  

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Fat Chance

  

I have struggled with weight my whole life, and have spent the majority of my 44+ years being overweight, to varying degrees. I finally did something about it, and lost a lot of weight (80 pounds) and kept it off for the better part of 7 years. I was so much happier with myself, my habits and my activity.

However, The weight has slowly crept back in the last couple of years, and my Weight is at the second highest it has ever been. I am so, horribly bitter and ashamed about it, yet I’ve done nothing to change my eating or exercise habits. I’ve had to buy clothes in larger sizes to accommodate my pulcritude, because I can’t fit into more than half of the clothes I already owned. 

But I’m done.

Done hating myself.

Done feeling ashamed.

Done feeling powerless.

Done making excuses.

Done using food as comfort.

I examined all my failures and successes. I assessed my wants and needs. I considered all my options.  This is what I determined:

I have paid hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars in gym fees and have never successfully returned to the gym after my initial 2 years of going. despite enjoying working out, when I actually do it, I have a lot of anxiety about going to the gym, and I cannot or will not make the time or effort to get to a gym. 

Accessibility to junk food trumps any semblance of will power. If the bad food is here, I will, eventually, eat it.

I am very communal, and my past successes have been attached to other people taking the journey with me; I tried to find otters to get back on my path with me, but the only one I can rely on to make me successful at this is me.
Having realized all this, I have taken these steps:

1. Admitted that losing weight is important to my physical, sexual and mental well being and something I want to put the effort into doing.

2. Acknowledged that investing in my health is never a waste of money, and working out at home relieves me of anxiety about going to the gym. 

3. Accepted that having junk food in the house is a guaranteed recipe for failure, and I have to plan to succeed, not to fail.

4. Assessed what I need to succeed and obtained the tools to do so.

As of today, there is no food that is not vegetable, fruit, fish or lean meat in my house, limiting my access to junk food, pasta, bread, potatoes and the like.

We purchased a weight bench, with weights, and a treadmill will be delivered Monday. We will also purchase an exercise bike, effectively completing a home gym. We had a home gym before and used it regularly. 

I have embraced a few positive mantras: 

“I am worth the effort.”

“I can do this.”

“I want this”

“Do or do not. There is no try.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

I’m tired of falling off the wagon. It’s time I take the reins and take control. I want to be the person on the outside that reflects who I feel I am on the inside. I do not believe people have to be thinner to be happy. I do not judge others as I do myself. I think people can be and are beautiful at all shapes and sizes. I just don’t feel comfortable at this size. It makes me unhappy. So, for me, this is a necessary change I need to make to feel good about myself again. I’m putting this out here to make myself accountable. 

Wish me success. 

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Wine

It’s what’s for dinner. 

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Advice

  

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Harvey Homeopathy

Nothing cures the bummers quite like a game of Harvey in the Middle. Jeffrey and I take our places at opposite ends of the dining room, then roll, bounce or toss Harvey’s favorite ball back and forth while Harvey makes an enthusiastic attempt to capture it. He’s less excited about getting the ball than he is chasing it. It’s hard not to cheer up watching him scamper back and forth and pounce at the ball.

What would we do without dogs?
 

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Everything old is new again

  

  
After fruitless effort to discern what set off this latest intestinal attack (usually I can narrow it down to a meal or food), it seems I have recovered, and life has started to return to what passes for normal around these parts, so I’ve shrugged my shoulders and decided to move on.

Yesterday, we were up and de-decorating early in the morning, boxing and binning all evidence of the holidays and returning it all to the storage space in the basement, where it will sit and wait to be recalled next November. 

Removing all the holiday clutter is like rediscovering your home. All the little knick-knacks returned to their nesting spots, furniture moved back to its pre tree-accommodating locations, sometimes a little tweaking to change things up a bit. When all is said and done, it is great to collapse in the space you’ve made your home in, and enjoy another season survived and house rejuvenation job well done.

Unless you realize, just as you plop down, sore and tired, that the holiday open house you agreed to attend at your friends’ home is Saturday, and not Sunday, like you thought.

Despite our day of dismantling, we dragged ourselves out and had a good time reconnecting with old friends we hadn’t seen in way too long, perhaps a consolation prize for the prior celebration that was nipped in the bud. 

Today, we get to enjoy the fruits of our labor, in our serene and orderly home, relaxing by the warm fire, dogs firmly ensconced in our laps, catching up on Dr. Who episodes. 

A better start to the new year, than an end to the old one, indeed.

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