I was looking forward to my first full work week without doctor appointments, adjusted schedules or implanted medical devices. Well, I’m never looking forward to work, but if I have to go, I want to be able to just deal with work on my normal schedule without all the other bells and whistles.
The phrase wishful thinking comes to mind.
As I was pulling into the parking garage adjacent to my work building, yesterday morning, around 6:40 am, a man was standing there with jumper cables and practically blocked my car from moving to ask me if I would please give him a jump. I blurted out "Sure" before I allowed my logical brain to suss out the logic and risk of the situation.
(Take note: my default answer is "yes" when I speak before I think.)
His car was parked on the third level and he would meet me up there.
Don’t get me wrong – I’ve fantasized many a time about men in dark, deserted garages asking me to follow them to a deserted area and "jump" them but, in reality, it’s kind of an awkward and possibly scary scenario: meeting a stranger on the third level of an empty parking garage at 6:40am in the morning, with no one else around. My "Good Samaritan" voice was battling it out with my "Everyone’s a psycho killer" voice as I slowly drove up to the third level. He was there, car door and hood ajar, jumper cables in hand. I considered driving away, but I just couldn’t imagine leaving this poor guy stranded there, despite my apprehension.
Fortunately, he knew what to do (because, to be honest, I have no freakin’ idea how to do the whole car jump thing, beyond a vague understanding that it involves connecting the cables to our batteries) and got right to it. I stayed in my car, popped the hood, and let him connect the cables. Then he got in his car, I started my car and he attempted to start his. No luck. I got a little nervous as the paranoid part of me thought "This is not working and I’ll get stuck here, late for work while he refuses to give up trying; or, he’ll ask me to give him a ride somewhere or want to borrow money to get somewhere;or, he’ll kill me and steal my backpack with my favorite chap stick and thoughtfully packed lunch."
Fortunately, before I lost my nerve and sped away or started crying and begging him not to gut me like a fish, he got out and adjusted the cables, gave it another try and his car started right up. He removed the cables, closed my hood, gave me a wave, a smile and a "Thanks bud" and drove away. Not even a good-bye kiss or a hand job. What an ungrateful user. *Smirk* I was relieved he was on the up and up, and that I was able to help him.
Once I was parked, in the building and safely in my worker bee cubby, the next adventure of the day started: a call to my doctor’s office to arrange an appointment to get some…symptoms… checked out. Symptoms I could only assume were side effects from the intense antibiotics I was on for almost 2 weeks, but which had not abated at all over the weekend, almost 72 hours antibiotic free, and had, in fact, gotten a bit worse. As luck would have it, he could see me at 12:30 yesterday, so I sacrificed yet another lunch break to head to yet another appointment, to have yet another health issue evaluated and treated. (Actually, I was quite grateful to be seen so quickly, so yay for that!)
Once I was in the exam room, my Doc in front of me, my symptoms related to him, and my pants around my knees, Doc immediately informed me what my latest ailment was: a yeast infection. Yep! My mouth was dry and soar and my man bits were red as strawberries (and itchy as hell) because the antibiotics left me susceptible to an imbalance of the naturally occurring fungus that normally lays dormant in our bodies when all things are balanced. As you may have come to realize, my body chemistry and internal workings, on the best of days, hardly resembles "balanced" as it is, so anything that impacts it negatively is sure to impact it in the worst possible way.
Like my earlier scenario, I have also fantasized about dropping my pants to show my handsome gay doctor my good stuff and discovering just how familiar he truly is with the human body, but it was far less sexy when I looked like a baboon’s ass between my legs.
I had considered asking him to remind me what a healthy groin area looks like, for comparison, by showing me his fun bits, but I decided against it.
I guess I just have a thing for handsome doctors (*wink wink nudge nudge – you know who you are!*)
Doc gave me a bunch of probiotics to take to get my system back on track, then prescribed me two more meds and a medicated cream to use to banish the overactive fungus. Hubby picked it all up for me on his way home (our pharmacy is practically next door to his workplace) and we had a good laugh at the fact that one of the meds is covered with images of women and states it is used for the treatment of yeast infections in women with several references to the vagina. (Is my doctor trying to tell me something?) If I actually had an uncomfortable vagina, I would be WAY more concerned than I already was.
Anyhoo, this morning there was a marked improvement already and I am relieved to be treating this latest assault on my anatomy. I am looking forward to my first full day of work, with a lunch break that involves trolling the Internet on my iPad while sipping low sodium V-8 as opposed to heading off to deal with another medical issue.
It’s the little things in life, my friends.