Tears

I’ve spent the better part of the last hour sobbing.

Because I watched a stupid 30 minute sitcom, during which a girlfriend chastised her boyfriend for always putting her needs first.

And it hit close to home, because my husband, Jeffrey, is the epitome of selflessness. He has given up so much for me. Lost out on so much for me. My health has ruined holidays, birthdays, vacations, you name it, so many times. And he has never once laid an ounce of guilt on me…never once complained…never once shown a moment of anger, regret, or disappointment.

For 23+ years, he has stood by my side, supported me, comforted me, spent endless days and nights in hospitals at my bedside, dealt with so many health issues not his own, said yes to every desire I’ve ever had, and treated me like royalty, waiting on me hand and foot, even when I didn’t need him to.

For over 23 years.

Without the slightest hint of regret.

I don’t deserve him. And I will never do enough to repay him or show him my gratitude. And that’s why I’m sobbing. Because he deserves so much better and more than me.

But he doesn’t agree.

And I can’t imagine a life without him.

And I am SO fucking lucky.

And I know it.

14 thoughts on “Tears

  1. I bet if you were to do something simple like give him a hug and a kiss, it would be enough. Both of you are lucky to have found each other.

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  2. I guess you’ll be keeping him, then?

    It may be the case that he deserves so much better, but all indications are that you are a pretty good consolation prize. Lots of people do worse.

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    • It’s always been my wont to feel undeserving of the good things in my life, even if I know deep down I earned them. I may not have a realistic view of my worth, but I I do try to be very appreciative of what I have. At least I’m not self destructive enough to try to sabotage those things. 🙂

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  3. Jeffrey reminds me of Superman in some respects. And Superman derives pleasure from taking care of me, so it’s a win-win, kinda. Though of course I do what I can to make life easier for him. It doesn’t always work, but I try. And I love him.
    Also, you DO deserve to be treated like a prince. Jeffrey realizes that, I think.

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