Doldrums

I’ve been fighting an ongoing case of the Doldrums. It’s a perfect storm of events that are causing these, I’m sure:

My new health status quo, which is 90% great, but does come with daily maintenance that gets me down some days.

The frigid temps, which make drawing the curtains and lifting the shades impractical (as we need every barrier from the cold we can muster)let alone venturing outdoors for much of anything. This results in a lack of sunshine and fresh air, and makes our home seem more like a dungeon than a castle. I do try to step outside a few times a day, despite the cold, to take deep breaths and soak in some daylight, but it gets uncomfortable quickly.

The daily rigmarole of work and the seemingly increasing staff issues which stress me out and make me unhappier every day, despite my efforts to just keep plugging away and not let it get to me. I really worry about how I’m going to make it the next 1, 579 days until retirement. I want out so badly. I really wish retirement was feasible at this point, but it’s not. It’s no fun feeling “stuck” in a situation that makes me so unhappy, even knowing the pay off will be wonderful.

The lack of visits to my favorite places and with my favorite people, for over 2 years running. The once in a blue moon exceptions just aren’t cutting it. I miss Provincetown, Ogunquit, and NYC. I miss dinner and knitting with Dave, in-person G&G nights, dinner out with friends, shopping at my favorite local shops, hosting cocktail parties, and planning potential visits and meet-ups with other Bloggers.

The ongoing Pandemic, which just seems endless and unbeatable, especially with the droves of people who have refused to make any efforts to help control/stop the spread and continue to refuse to do so. It feels like a losing battle and, despite all of our efforts, I know we will inevitable contract this damn thing.

The non-stop negativity in the news, which makes the world seem bleak and society seem on the brink of destruction. So much lack of empathy, integrity, honesty, and community. I know all that stuff is still out there, but it’s sad we have to go digging through all the muck to find it.

My weight, which is increasing rapidly. I know what I need to do to stop it and reverse it, but I’m lacking the impetus to do so. Comfort eating and drinking is my vice, and I feel bogged down with the weight of laziness and lack of control.

I try hard to be a positive person, look at the bright side, find the silver lining, see the glass as half full, be grateful for what I have and not resentful for what I don’t. I try to be proactive in, and take responsibility for, making my life and experiences positive, meaningful, and fulfilling. I explore so many things that interest me, on and off line, like music, reading, crafting, collecting, etc.

There are bright spots and happy moments in my days and life, so it’s not like the doldrums never let up, but right now, it feels like those days that are overcast with dark clouds – even though the sun breaks through now and then and shines down for brief moment, the clouds come rolling back in and the light fades way too quickly.

Maybe I just need a cookie. (NOT!)

14 thoughts on “Doldrums

  1. Ya’ know, hun, you do good work. By that I mean that you work at finding the bright spots, even in the midst of gloom. Sending virtual hugs!! ((((Sassybear))))
    {What kind of hug is it if the parentheses around the name aren’t equal?}

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So many people experience the doldrums during the post-Christmas winter months. Add to it everything that’s been going on in the world and everything you’ve mentioned, it’s no wonder you’re having some tough times. I’d probably go for a box of chocolates, but I find myself lately just announcing, “I need a hug.” That is so much better and effective than a cookie (or chocolates). Wishing you better days ahead.

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  3. I understand totally! I too fight off the doldrums. I no longer have my outlet of my part—time job at the hotel or my quarterly trips with Pat. And lije you, I know we (me and Bill) will eventually catch this virus. And. Now I have to get a bone marrow test for a low white blood cell count. I have to be here for Bill. I try to put out of my mine all the negativity and concentrate on the positive. Working on it as I am sure you are considering tge alternative.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sometimes it helps to talk about it, to write about it. Do what you can, take a quiet drive (when the roads are dry) play with the pups. So glad that you are gaining weight, we worried when you couldn’t eat for weeks and were wasting away.

    Liked by 1 person

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