The Hostess with the Leastest

It’s been a crappy couple of weeks, hence the lack of posting, but I’ll share one unfortunate well-intentioned night that went all wrong. Perhaps it will bring you pleasure where it only brought me pain.

We recently entertained a guest in our home, maskless, for the first time post full vaccination. (other than the “Boys in our Bubble” BF & Hubby.) For long time readers, you’ll be familiar with my knitting buddy Dave, who used to come over regularly, pre-pandemic, 2-3 times a month, for dinner and knitting. What started as knitting lessons from a friendly acquaintance blossomed into a friendship, and now the knitting, while enjoyable, is just a holdover pretense to get together regularly (although we do still knit…well, he knits…I tangle yarn on the end of a set of needles for 2 hours.)

As I’m still building my strength and energy, we decided our “reunion visit” would be dinner only – I need to get to bed at a decent hour to function at work the next day (which will be true for the next 1856 days – but who’s counting?) To keep it simple, we purchased Swordfish and veggies skewers and bacon wrapped scallions for dinner, which were easy and quick to cook. I whipped up a marinade in which to baste the skewers, and let them sit soaking in the fridge for the day.

A quick freshen up clean-through after work, and we were ready for our guest.

Or so we thought.

Dave arrived and was greeted with massive puppy love. (As you can imagine, the dogs grew attached to Dave during his previously frequent visits and were quite happy to see him again, as were we.) He was very happy to see them again (maybe happier to see them than to see us?) and once that barrage of licks and whining was over, we did our first hugs in 13 months, then fired up the grill on the patio and the broiler in the kitchen stove and set to cooking. We had planned to enjoy the patio and porch, but inclement weather spoiled our plans, so we just grilled out and ate in. (Thanks to a grilling area housed under a covered pavilion.)

Upon serving dinner, we discovered the swordfish was a bit under-cooked (our first time under-cooking food, ever, to my recollection – I was horrified!) So, I had to gather up the fish and sauté it in some EVOO on the stove to finish cooking it through.

After dinner, Dave headed into kitchen to prepare the homemade yogurt and berries dessert he made/brought, when he stepped in a “little surprise” puddle one of the puppies left. (As vaguely referenced earlier, it had been raining all day and the pups are very resistant to going outside, let alone staying out long enough to do their business.) Just what a host wants to hear. After cleaning up and insisting he accept a pair of clean socks to wear (he was just going to hang barefoot, which would have been fine, but for the principle of the thing) we settled into enjoy dessert and finish our visit.

It was only minutes after Dave left when I realized the third and most heinous of the trespasses against our guest: I had never offered him a second cocktail, so caught up in the conversation and secretly obsessing over the two prior “oopses” of the evening, I inadvertently caused a third one.

Needless to say, it is quite obvious I have lost what little hosting skills I once had. We will be closing off the house to all future entrances by non-residents and keeping to ourselves until we die.

16 thoughts on “The Hostess with the Leastest

  1. It was funny, but don’t sweat it. It’s not like you rode a bike for the first time in awhile and pitched yourself over the handlebars like a runaway lawn dart. I know when I’ll have visitors for the first time in ages I’ll probably forget to offer the first drink.

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  2. Being a hostess is like riding a bike. Sometimes you fall right over. When it is safer to do so you will have to entertain frequently so you get back into practice.

    I was wondering how you were doing. I’m sorry that you had a tough fortnight.

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  3. Oh dear, I can think of worst things you could have done. And besides if he really needed another cocktail, you guys seem close enough, he would have asked. Besides if he was driving maybe that’s why he didn’t ask. I think we’ve all got laxed during the time of pandemic.

    During the pandemic, I had to keep in practice with my hostess, and sex skills. My lands, could you imagine what my man friends and other platonic guest would say if I slipped. I have a reputation to uphold.

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    • It could have been worse, true. And he would have asked if he did want another. I pride myself on my hosting skills so this all bothered me more than I should have let it.

      If I’m going to imagine you and your man friends, I’m going to need a cocktail and some alone time *evil grin*

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  4. Um, I doubt that final statement. As Superman just said, he’d LOVE to go visit you and Jeffrey and Harvey and Rita. And of course so would I. I can bring my knitting and be amused by your tangling of yarn.

    If Dave is as good a friend as it sounds like he is, he immediately forgave you for your hosting faux pas.

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