Pause for pain

Hey folks. I’m going to be taking a hiatus from blogging for a while. Unfortunately, my health continues to be all over the place. Most of my days are now divided between excruciating pain, severe pain, low pain, and on very few occasions, no pain (Man, do I love those day.)

Most days, it’s a struggle to sit up at my work desk (yes, even at home) and get through a full work day, and I don’t always make it, but that’s where my focus and energy have to be, because I do not have the luxury of quitting or not working. By the end of my workdays, I’m just too emotionally and physically drained to really write much of anything, and I just can’t keep posting these “I’m in pain” posts because it just feels wrong and gratuitous (i.e i’m pandering for sympathy.)

So why post this at all you ask? Because I have been truly lucky and fortunate to develop friendships with many of my blogger buddies, and I am genuinely touched knowing that if I disappeared for a long period of time without explanation there would (probably?) be some inquiries and I don’t want to worry anyone. And I’m not super responsive to texts and emails and comments lately. Being in regular pain for hours, days , and weeks on end is exhausting, debilitating, and has really frayed my gay nerves (ha ha – still shreds of humor though) my patience, and my civility. What little control I still have over my attitude, emotions, and communication I need to use to ensure that I stay as positive as possible, and don’t take it out on Jeffrey who has been, once again, the most amazing superheroic caregiver and concerned spouse that I could imagine existing. There are days when he truly is the only thing keeping me going. (and you all know the comfort and support my two beautiful amazing dogs give me, so that kind of goes without saying although I just said it, didn’t I?)

So thank you for your understanding and patience if I disappear for a while; and thank you for understanding if I don’t respond to texts or emails or comments right away or for a while. My sole focus is to get through each workday and evening without this getting worse and not needing to go to a hospital. While I realize it’s probably time for me to seek medical attention, I just can’t put my safety from Covid, over anything else right now. So no unnecessary office visits until I’m fully vaccinated (which I will be by the end of April.) rest assured, I am in constant touch with my G.I.

I know this might sound really awful to go through to everyone (and it is) but this is, unfortunately, not the first time I’ve been through a horrible gut spell for a long period of time, so don’t assume what is coming across as a lack of panic is my refusal to seek help or be smart about this. The fact is, I have a severely compromised digestive track, that has been through hell for the last 22 years, and certainly isn’t getting stronger or better or healthier as I age (“I’m almost 50, folks” as my retired in DE friend Ron might say.) I also have multiple other conditions that make a lot of food and ingredients in foods dangerous to me, and no matter how careful we try to be, and how educated we try to get, sooner or later we misstep or miss some thing all together, or worse yet, some new allergy or problematic food response develops. I have been incredibly fortunate to make it as long as I have with “as few” episodes of these as I’ve been through, and experience tells me, if I just make it through this and adjust enough things in enough ways we will figure out what’s causing it and I will get better. If not, The first thing I will do post vaccination is seek medical help.

I know some of my blogger friends (or their partners, family, or friends) are also going through difficult health times and choices, too, and I truly feel for them and I’m concerned for them as much, if not more, than I am myself. So I get I’m not the only one struggling. I do.

Because I’m obviously feeling emotional and sentimental in writing this post, I need to say please take care of yourself, take care of each other, appreciate your health, don’t take risks you don’t need to (mask, distance, hand wash, sanitize, isolate, vaccinate! It ain’t over yet, folks.) when there are so many things we don’t have control over. I know there are far many more problems in the world than just not being healthy, but man, does being healthy make dealing with all the other problems a little bit easier.

I’ll be back as soon as I can. Thanks for reading this long diatribe and all of your words of support. I look forward to the day I can put this behind me, start blogging again, and show off my massive weight loss before I can properly eat again and gain it all back.

Be safe.

Sassybear

13 thoughts on “Pause for pain

  1. Take care, get better, please come back to us when you are up to it. THANK YOU for letting us know, I worry when friends just drop off the face of the blogosphere,

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  2. Do come back as soon as you are feeling comfortable to do so, S/b, and we all really hope that when you do you’ll be able to report a marked improvement in your physical condition. I’m sure your pups, along with J., will help speed you on your way to just such a desirable state. All the very best to you. XXXX.

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  3. I am so sorry for your pain. Please do what is best for you. Of course we will miss your posts, but we all want you to make you a priority. Know that I am sending hugs and healing thoughts.

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  4. Sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine gut pain. I wonder is dangerous food allergy or other? I’m in a situation myself, my spine is a mess. It is gonna leave me parapalegic at some point

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  5. I understand completely. Take as long as you need to feel like blogging again. Pain is the worst. Good health is something most of take for granted until we don’t have it. Thank God you’re not going through this alone. You have Jeffery and your two little darlings. Rest now.

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  6. Oh no. I am very sad your gut is betraying you so badly.

    Personally I do not feel that your blog has gotten repetitive even when you are pain-blogging. You are always interesting to read even when you blog about things that make us sad. But I totally understand that you need to conserve energy for other things.

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