Scraping Bottom

I’m trying so hard to adjust my attitude about work. I keep repeating it’s just a job. It’s not worth the anxiety and stress and anger and frustration it fills me with day in and day out. I just need to put in my 8 hours each day, then turn off the computer and enjoy my life away from work for a few hours.

This is what I tell myself every morning, as I start the day with confidence, and conviction to have a better day. I remind myself I’m good at what I do, that I worked hard to work my way up the latter, and that I don’t have to take other people’s crap to heart.

I remind myself I’m doing it for my family, for my security and health benefits. That I just have to make it 6 more years and then I get to reap the rewards of a 31.5 year career that I’ve hated for the last 2/3 of the way.

But the world feels like it’s crumbling all around us and I have to wonder…is it really worth it to keep struggling?

I’m just not feeling very sassy these days, and the well I draw from to make it through every day is running dry. What happens when I just don’t have the strength to show up for one more day of hell?

12 thoughts on “Scraping Bottom

  1. I have to tell you to hang in there, it’s a struggle now but when you get into retirement, it’s wonderful to not have to count every penny and to be able to afford what you want without any worries, eg as many giraffes as you like, need or wish. That pension brings a lot of peace to retirement. I am there at 69.


    • I know, and I will. I couldn’t throw away 26 years even if I wanted to. Some days I am able to see how lucky I am, with that retirement date firmly in sight, and some days I just feel trapped and miserable. I loved my job for the first 10 years, under a great boss, but he retired and it’s never been the same, since. I’ve changed units twice and moved up hoping things would get better but they never do. 6 years seems so far away, but I keep pushing myself through day by day. Thanks for reminding me of the pot of the gold at the end and reassuring me it’s worth it. That helps.


  2. I know this feeling. Lately, I keep lying to myself that my employer will look out for us. Right now, I feel like I’m Sector 2814’s tribute for The Hunger Games. I’ll explain more tomorrow night once I have a couple of meetings at work, including one with my boss.


    • There’s a big pay off at the end if you can commit, but it’s not easy. However, it isn’t technically the same job. I’ve worked in 5 different units, promoting in two of them, multiple times in one, so my job has changed a lot since 1998. It’s just not an easy system to work in, and by time I realized it was too much to deal with, I already invested too many years. If I walked away now, 6 Years prior to retirement, it would be like throwing away the last 25 years. Just can’t do it, no badly how much I want to.


  3. It is a common dilemma: does one stay in a toxic job for the ‘benefits’ or is it not worth the price?
    Perhaps it is time to read “The Journey” by Mary Oliver.


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