I really thought I’d be posting more often while I’m home more (and by more I mean always,) but that hasn’t been the case. I’m still reading all my blogs daily, but other than the sporadic photo, I’m just not finding myself compelled to write more. Perhaps the current state of affairs, social distancing, and isolation has impacted me more than I realize.

Case in point: Today is the first day I have left the house since March 16th (to come in for my remicade infusion) and, apparently, I am feeling quite anxious about it. I did not sleep a wink last night, so I have been awake since 6:30am yesterday. I felt a little anxious getting ready to leave, and when I arrived, I felt shaky from nervousness upon entering the building. When I arrived, there was an extra check-in station outside my Infusion center, where I answered several questions (all covid related), had my temperature taken, and was given a mask to wear. (Everyone here is wearing masks.) During my check in prior to my IV placement, they took my blood pressure and it was off the charts. My nurse asked me if I’m OK, and all I could say is “I thought I was, but…” It didn’t help that my weight gain, which I KNEW would be bad, was worse than I expected. (Time to drop the comfort foods and snacks and pick up the jump rope and “Sweatin’ to the Oldies DVD.” It still amazes me how hard it is to lose 5 pounds and how easy it is to gain 10, even after struggling with my weight my whole life.)

So here I sit, IV and mask firmly in place, filled with anxiety (to my surprise) but trying to be grateful nonetheless for compassionate nurses who show up to work to care for me and having the health care and access to medical facilities that I do.

Photo on Friday4-10-20 at 8.40 AM.jpg

Another thing that surprises me is how many people come to the infusion center with nothing to entertain themselves with while they sit for 2-3 hours in a small room with a bunch of stranger waiting for their drip to finish. No phones, computers, kindles or ipads, books, magazines, knitting, crocheting, games….nothing. They’re not even sleeping. They just sit there, quietly staring out into space. I realize they may not have the technology that I do, but still…not even a book or newspaper? I couldn’t do it.

So what have a been doing to pass the time at home?

I work from home Monday through Friday, usually from 7-5, so about 10 extra hours a week more than I would if I was going into the office.  (Which equates to an extra work week a month.) I created a little office nook upstairs in the giraffe/guest room closet, so that is my official “office.” It helps create a sense of “going to work” and separates my work space from my living space. It’s also nice to spend time upstairs and use the giraffe bathroom, which I rarely do unless the bf Jim is staying for the weekend (which of course he won’t be doing anytime soon.)

After work, I head downstairs where Jeffrey is working from home as well, and we make dinner, then enjoy a one hour facebook “piano bar” concert with our favorite Ptown performer, Jon Richardson every day from 5-6. Its a gay man’s dream: dinner and a show, 5 nights a week. We enjoy a cocktail or glass of wine not more than every other afternoon during the show (a decision we made to avoid developing a habit of drinking every day.) It’s great to have this ritual and get to enjoy a sliver of Ptown despite the inability to actually go there.


We watch a lot of TV, but we try to stagger it a couple nights a week by skipping the TV and just enjoying music while we read or bounce around on line.

I am reading a lot more – mostly digital comic books – but lots of other articles and on line magazines as well. I will start diving into my pile of printed books.

I spent 4 days working on a 1000 piece puzzle, with Jeffrey’s help, that nearly drove me bat shit crazy. While I love puzzles, this one was very hard, due to the muddled and murky colors used throughout and lack of sharp and defining lines. (I can usually finish one in 1.5 days on my own.) I obsessed on it and worked on it every waking moment I wasn’t “at work” even during my lunch breaks. Here’s a few pics I took during the process:


Putting in the last piece was orgasmic!

I have Facetime date nights a couple times a week with Jim.  He was supposed to come down  to celebrate my birthday the weekend of May 15th, and Jeffrey and I were going to join him and Ken in Ptown the weekend of May 22nd to celebrate Ken’s birthday, but neither of those plans seems likely to occur.



14 thoughts on “Ketchup

  1. I had an early morning appointment at the hospital for a CT of my heart. I felt all the anxiety you did. Despite not having slept a wink, I could only sleep three hours! agh


  2. My mood has been quite stable for the past couple of years, and now this. I’m still doing pretty well most days, but have noticed an increase in anxiety. My doctor said “take your Ativan” which just makes me sleep. I mean, yeah, I’m chill, but also asleep.
    I read a lot of internet articles, have been catching your governor’s daily news conferences. I’m one of Cuomo’s new fans. He has a lot, I hear.
    I call my stepmom every evening. We discuss the exciting things we’ve done during the day. It emphasizes that neither of us does much. She got to go to the grocery today! I saw my doctor yesterday about a sore spot on my back, and have an appointment next week to see the dermatologist about a bad-looking mole on my back. yippee.
    Glad your Remicade infusion continued as scheduled. The puzzle? OMG, I get so flustered by puzzles. Overwhelmed by the chaos. Congratulations on completing it. Looks great!


  3. heinz ketchup please!

    not much going on here. todd works from home 8a-4p M-F, I answer work e-mails only, and go into the physical office on thursdays. this time I brought home some things I can do from my couch so that by next thursday I can file it all away. my sleep patterns are off big time. currently knitting on a winter scarf for a friend’s mom (and he’s paying me to do so)! reading online, not so hardback books. trying to support our local restaurants as much as we can. and that puzzle would drive me batshit crazy.

    love to all at breen acres!


  4. I like Hunts.

    With that said I just heard a podcast on the h/o catsup and I hope to make some real old vintage type from the 17th century. No HFCS; no rubbish.


  5. Great blog post! I am nervous about going out too. I was worried about wearing a face mask (vanity) but after entering our local supermarket I felt much safer and not concerned at all how weird I looked with a face mask (a builder’s face mask, not the medical one). Puzzles, I have many of them for Bill but because of his macular degeneration he can no longer see them to use them. I was going to give them to a local assisted living facility, but in today’s contaminated environment, they probably won’t accept them. Oh I know how easy it is to put on five pounds and how hard it is to take it off. When I return from one of my quarterly holidays with Pat, I’m always down five to seven pounds. Only takes me a few days to put it back on. Every time you mention Provincetown I get nostalgic. I hope I can visit at least one more time before i check out. Stay safe!


    • Too bad there’s not a puzzle swap for puzzle lovers.

      We are very pro-mask, but worry if everyone’s not wearing them, we’ll be singled out and harassed, accused of having the virus.

      I hope you make another trip to Ptown, too. Maybe we can all meet up there … would be a wonderful blogger meet up place.


  6. Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerabilities and anxieties in this time. I hope that writing, and life, starts to feel good again, soon. Light and love to you!


  7. I prefer Heinz but Hunt’s is fine too. I’m glad you’re hanging in there and have a routine after work. I know mine usually involves taking a 5pm nap for an hour due to the lack of sleep I’ve been getting lately.


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