He ain’t heavy…I am.

I am in the midst of a four day weekend (yay). Friday, I spent the day doing laundry, got a little exercise in, caught up on blogs, and read some digital comics on my iPad. Later, we had a friend over for dinner Friday night, and had a nice time catching up over cocktails.  This morning, after breakfast, we took the dogs for a walk at a nearby cemetery, to try out their new retractable leashes and harnesses (I took a bunch of pics, but this is the only one that didn’t come out blurry.)

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After the walk, we all hung out around the house for the day, enjoying the nice weather by spending time on our porch and patio. Then we began watching the Marvel Universe movies in the “official viewing order” (that I found on line) starting with “Captain America: The First Avenger.” Just a typical “gay in the life” for us, I suppose.

I’ve been hesitant to put this in writing, but I need to make myself accountable:

I’ve been struggling to get back to eating better and exercising more to get some weight off. I was horrified at the pictures of me from San Diego and our last trip to P-Town. I knew I had gained weight, but it was real shocker to see how much. I was embarrassed and got very emotional about it. I have struggled my whole life with my weight, and I’ve been every shape and size. I have tried to embrace being a hefty dude, which seems to be my natural state, but I’m always unhappy at a larger size and prefer my slimmer (such as it is) self for a variety of reasons: I look and feel better,  my clothes fit better, and I have more energy.   It’s a never-ending battle.  (I’m like Superman, only his never ending battle is for truth, justice, and the American way, which is a piece of cake compared to MY struggle. Mmmmm, cake…but I digress….) The moment my vigilance wanes, I start packing on weight quickly and in large quantity.  I am a compulsive eater, a stress eater, and I have a serious sweet tooth. It’s a lot to overcome, and its not easy, but it is what it is and if I want to lose the weight, I’ve got to make the effort. I have given myself a year to lose 50 pounds, which means I need to lose a pound a week. I’m down about 4.5 pounds in 3 weeks, so I’m right on target. It’s doable if I stay on course and don’t give in to the snacking and sweets craving. Our go-to eating plan (READ: NOT DIET!) is cutting out as much carbs as possible, such as pastas and bread, and sticking to meats, fish, veggies and cheese, with only occasional fruits. And, yes, this means limiting alcohol consumption as well.

Wish me luck…I’m going to need it.

 

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11 Responses to He ain’t heavy…I am.

  1. Urspo says:

    I am with you in spirit as I vow to make September the month of weight loss. I hope we are both successful.

  2. Infinite Jester says:

    Have you ever looked into the 3 body types: ectomorph, mesomorph, and endomorph? It’s an interesting approach to diet and exercise, at the very least. Just judging from your entry, I would peg you as an endomorph. I’m sorry I don’t have a good link or 2 for you to check out, but if you just search online for “endomorph diet” or “endomorph exercise” or even just “endomorph” you should find plenty of resources. I also realize that you have dietary concerns as well as health ones, so I think you should feel free to cut yourself some slack, please, especially if you don’t meet your weekly goal or something.

    Also, the biologics (I think you are on Remicade, but you can look up specifically whatever biologic you get infused with) do have a weight-gain potential, if I remember my drug info literature correctly. You might check with your doctor, but I’m sure you’re in the “can’t live without it” boat, which means you have to live with and hopefully manage any side effects. Best of luck to you!

    • Sassybear says:

      I remember reading about the body types and how each responds to exercise and eating differently. Might be a good idea to review that info again.

      I do recognize my meds (Remicade) and other health issues (crohn’s, gastroparesis) have negatively impacted my weight and my multiple hernias have made exercise risky for me. Despite that, I can’t shake the shame I feel over my weight. The best way I know to counter those negative feelings, is to try to do better and lose what weight I can.

      Thanks for your input, comments and good wishes. Much appreciated.

  3. javabear says:

    Good luck!! I know it’s hard. I’ve given up (for now) but I wish you all the best. I know you can do it. You’ve done it before. So, again, Good Luck!!

  4. Good luck with the diet. I have noticed as I age I cannot eat what I used to eat. I have been on prednisone for almost a week now, and I have found my appetite increase, and I have worked hard to ignore the hunger feelings, but it is hard! So when I am hungry, I drink some seltzer water with a splash of fruit juice. It seems to help quell the hunger until a meal.

    • Sassybear says:

      Thanks. I know better, but I’ve let work and life stressors dictate my eating habits for too long now, and now I’m facing the consequences. I have purged the house of all the crap so when the cravings hit, it’s veggies, cheese, or nothing. My beverages of choice are diet tonic water with lime, water with lemon, or the occasional crystal light mixed-beverage (to sate the sweet tooth.)

  5. You’re good at any size, and I’m right there with you. I gained back almost every pound I lost 4-5 years ago and sometime after Labor Day I have to get back on the wagon. I don’t need to be thin, but I’d be thrilled to be where I was four years ago. I’m waiting for the temperatures to dip a little bit, which should happen soon.

    • Sassybear says:

      Thanks. I hate when other people body shame, but I have a much harder time applying that attitude to myself. I’ll never be thin (and never have been) but I can definitely lose some of what I’ve gained.

  6. I like you just the way you are. and I have a sweet tooth too.

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