Malaise-y

Happy First Day of summer. I haven’t been able to compose a blog post about all of the fun, interesting or incident events in my life, due to the lingering cloud from the recent events in Orlando. It is not uncommon for me to experience a period of uneasiness about enjoying the life I live in the wake of recent tragedy for other people and their families. I guess it’s just my own personal form of internal mourning. I can’t help having a renewed sense of “awareness” of my surroundings. Even Saturday morning, when I was mowing the lawn, in front of our house where a rainbow flag flies and has since the day we moved in, I was acutely aware of passers-by, on foot and in cars. Having said that, we’ve done our best to process it, show our support, and move forward in the life that we have built and share together. But this felt personal, and my heart remains heavy from the tragedy.

My birthday (in may) was a nice surprise: a trip to a zoo/animal sanctuary in Massachusetts to see a (live) giraffe, among the other animals there. It was an exciting event and really made me happy.

We hired someone to work on projects around our house, with the intent of fixing it up for sale. He started off strong, but really
disappointed and frustrated us by the end, as the days dragged on and he spent less time working at our house, stretching projects out and requiring much greater financial investment from us than originally estimated. He repaired our front deck, our fence and porch. His level of work was far from professional (doing patchwork fixes instead of actual repairs, sloppy painting and staining jobs, constant need of reminders for things he left unfinished.) We allowed him to finish up the last project he was working on, settled up, and sent him packing. Given the poor job he did outside, we were not about to let him inside. This has caused us to seriously re-think selling and moving. Given the stress and cost of the last few projects, we’re not sure we could afford, let alone survive, the kitchen face lift we were planning. Time will tell but, for now, we’re seriously considering all options and putting our decision to sell/move on hold, for now.

There will be no grand vacation for us this year, just smaller weekend trips that are more affordable and require less time off. I am still trying to rebuild my time bank at work, from all the health issues over the last few years. Honestly, I’m grateful to have any time available, at this point.

My health is good. The discovery, last year, of a Gluten intolerance, and the subsequent avoidance of gluten, has all but eradicated my ongoing health issues. My current struggle is getting weight off. Despite reducing my carb intake and upping my physical activity, the pounds just don’t seem to want to come off. I’m trying hard to avoid “crash diets” and, instead, find a sustainable eating and exercise habit I can maintain indefinitely. I have pretty much eliminated all sweets (save for the occasional sugar free Jello cup and a bottle of flavored water here and there), and have cut out breads, pastas and potatoes. The bulk of our diet consists of meats, fish and vegetables, with cheese and nuts as supplements. I’ve also cut back on alcohol consumption, going form a nightly glass off wine and weekend cocktails to only to have it when we are actually in a social setting with other people, and limiting what I have when I do indulge. Clearly, we need to change something, I’m just not sure what. Upping my exercise is certainly necessary,

Work has grown increasingly stressful and frustrating. We are understaffed, and the workload and special projects continue to increase. I consider myself focused, dedicated, and hardworking – most days I am working before my start time, and after my end time, and almost never take lunches or breaks, and I’m still barely treading water. We anticipate increased staff down the road but, for now, I’m just keep the plates spinning and take it one task at a time.

The dogs continue to be a source of joy for me/us – Harvey and Rita’s unending exuberance, adorableness and and affection are a natural medicine for the stresses of the world. there are days when it is almost painful to leave them home by themselves as I traipse off to work – or anywhere else, for that matter.

The year is half over and I can’t help wondering what the future holds – near and far ahead, for myself and the loved ones in my life. I try not to dwell on what was or what will be, and just focus on what is, but it is hard to quiet the voices in my head that are constantly replaying, re-evaluating and reconsidering all of the choices I have made before now, and pondering, worrying about and/or considering all the choices that lie ahead. What I wouldn’t give for a solid month of quiet, peaceful relaxation and contemplation. Until then, I’ll pet the dogs, hug Jeffrey, facetime with Jim, read blogs, organize my comic books, eat my chicken breast and see how life unfolds.

Que Sera Sera…

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5 Responses to Malaise-y

  1. “Focus on what is.” You said it perfectly.
    Now if you pop over to the comicon website you can look at the t-shirts and let me know if there is one of this years you would like to have, if so let me know as we are preordering this week and I’d be happy to pick one up for you.

  2. Ron says:

    Treasure life’s small treasures.

  3. smooches. hope you saw my blog post this past weekend; these murders make me so damn mad! and NO ONE wants to get rid of the damn guns!

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