Another Way

I have been struggling lately to find ways to avoid confrontation, reacting through intense emotion (especially hurt and anger), quick judgement and bad decisions. I am driven by emotion, tend to feel intensely, and my emotional responses have gotten me into hot water way too many times. Rather than jump on the modern attitude that there’s nothing wrong with me, everyone should and better accept me the way I am, and I can do, say, and be whatever I want (and fuck you world), I’m trying to recognize my own shortcomings and do things better. It is not easy, but it is possible.

One of the tools I am using is “find another way.” If I am angry, find another way to express that without going on the attack or storming off. If I am scared, find another way to address that instead of cowering or avoiding. If there are things or people I don’t like, find a way to avoid these things and people, rather than expose myself to them or wade into them head on and invite confrontation.

I don’t think being emotional is necessarily bad. Sometimes anger is justified, fear is necessary and feeling passionate about things is valid. But I have to admit, initially, I tend to over-react, and my emotions should be tempered by logic, rationality and civility.

I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to work on my flaws.

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4 Responses to Another Way

  1. Urspo says:

    remember anger and other emotions are not good or bad but how they are processed and communicated.

  2. truthspew says:

    I’m pretty good with confrontation. However it’s all I can bear when an idiot walking in front of me is staring down at their cell phone and just plodding along. One of these days I’m going to say something.

    However as I’ve gotten older my temper has gotten a lot better. As a younger man I had a really hot temper. Not so much now.

  3. javabear says:

    I agree with much of what you say. Raising my two younger kids has taught me to be calm(er) in my response to situations where my initial impulse is anger. I’m not always successful, but am getting better. And that’s all we can do, right? Keep trying, keep improving. Good luck!

  4. Michael says:

    One of the things I tried to teach the novices when I was in the monastery was that there is almost always another way. We tend to get into situations — whether emotionally charged or not — and think that there are only two ways out, both of which seem disastrous. There is almost always another way. If the road forks and you do not want to go right or left, you can always step off the path and make your own way.

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