Bare with me. This is a classic blogger free-flow ramble:
For some time now, I’ve been frustrated at my lack of proper blog posts. I’ve been uninspired, unmotivated and struggled to find the time to sit and compose my thoughts. I have, a few times in the recent past, thought that maybe this meant I should hang up my blogger hat and call it a night. But I could never quite stop. I’ve been coasting along, posting things as “place holders” to keep my spot in the blogoverse, waiting for something to change, but still feeling frustrated.
I once blogged daily with a passion and felt I had so much I wanted to say and share. I could hardly stick to one post a day and often didn’t. I shared so much of my life, my marriage, my home and my friends.
Unfortunately, things started to change in my life, and some of those changes impacted my blogging habits negatively. This made me timid about being so open about my life and relationships on my blog.
The problem is, being open is who I am and what I do. Not being able to share what I feel and do, openly, is anathema to who I am as a person and a blogger. I have to find a way to write openly about my experiences, thoughts and feelings without causing conflict with the people in me life. Had I to do it all over again, perhaps I would try to remain more anonymous here to free up my ability to say what I want, but I imagine it’s a small enough world that this would have happened sooner or later. Besides, I worked too hard to come out of the closet to step back in for any reason, on any issue.
The truth, my truth, is that I do not regret anything I’ve ever posted and/or said on this blog and I feel no shame in being open and honest about what I feel and who I am. I have always maintained that it is better to be hated for who I am than liked for who I’m not, so if my words or beliefs strike a chord strong enough in others to invite their criticism or cause the end of relationships, so be it. I never intentionally or willfully try to harm or insult people. I would prefer that never happen; but I am honest when I am hurt, upset, disagree or struggle with something. I can’t control what other people think or feel or how they react to my words. I also can’t apologize for who I am or what I believe. I have one limited lifetime on this planet and the only person I am obligated to please is myself. (Insert jokes about pleasuring myself here.) I am (or believe myself to be) an honest, passionate, open, friendly man. I have zero tolerance for ideas or opinions that spread hate, injustice, inequality or violence. I don’t like selfishness or mean-spiritedness. And I believe fiercely that how we live our lives is our business and our right, so long as we don’t harm others or infringe on their freedoms to live their lives the way they want to.
So, I need to find my voice again and start blogging the way I want and need to, without apology or fear of repercussions.
As luck would have it, I will be attending a blog gathering at the end of March, where I will get a chance to meet and interact with several bloggers I have been following for a long time, whom I admire and like very much. I will also get to meet some bloggers I am unfamiliar with and even a couple I have met before. I look forward to being part of this gathering. I hope to solidify some friendships that started on-line and maybe get inspired, reinvigorated and re-invested in this community I have been lucky to be part of and wish to remain so. I hope, when I get back, I have shed whatever inhibitions and reservations I have developed and am able to get back to doing on my blog what I love most: blogging about the world and my life through my eyes, without hesitation.
Thanks for not only welcoming me into this great network of writers, thinkers and sharers, but for also sticking with me through my struggle and for continuing to follow me and encourage me to keep going.