I have a doctor’s appointment today at 4:30 PM. here’s hoping I get heavily/accurately medicated and can start on the path to improvement. I’m starting to lose it. Big time.
I can honestly say I’m "one stomach bug away from my ideal weight." I started out at almost 190 lbs (shudder) and am currently 175.4 lbs. My "ideal weight" is 174 lbs, because that is the thinnest I have ever gotten through my own diet and exercise efforts and maintained such weight (or in the proximity thereof). I take little thrill and no pride or self-congratulations in shedding pounds because I am sick and can’t eat, and would take the weight over the health problems any day, but I’m desperately trying to see silver linings in all the clouds here.
I don’t understand when RSVPing became optional among friends. Is it really hard to click "yes" "no" or "maybe" on an electronic invite? Send a text? E-mail? Make a phone call? I don’t ever just invite anybody and everybody to every event I coordinate, so if you were invited, it was intentional and the least you can do is have the consideration to respond. When you don’t RSVP, it’s RUDE and the message I get is "I can’t be bothered in giving you a response" which means you get left off the guest list next time. If I’m not worth your effort, then you’re not worth mine.
I am nobody’s cheerleader anymore, except my own. I’ve played that part and got shit on time and time again and I don’t get it in return. I am no longer the go to guy for pats on the back, ego boosts, frivolous reassurances of your awesomeness or your own personal support system. If you come looking for it with me these days, you’re going to be sadly disappointed. I only put in as much as I get out these days and I assure you, most people I know are way overdrawn with me.
FYI: People with UC/Chron’s/IBD or any of it’s ilk actually CAN be on death’s door one day and at the peak of health the next, and every level in between, from day to day, sometimes within the same day. So, yes, I can have to cancel for one event one night, and then be able to attend another the next night. I can be too sick to do lunch but fine to meet for dinner. No, I am not lying to you. No, I did not exaggerate my symptoms. Everything is relative when you’re in chronic pain and discomfort and sometimes, the small spell of relief from intense pain and discomfort can be just enough to give you a boost to be more active. And even when I’m feeling awful, sometimes I just get sick of going home and lying in bed writhing and decide to say "fuck it" and leave the house and do something. Rarely, but it does happen.
Why are sugar free Jello chocolate pudding cups so friggin’ hard to open?
I am really growing to love V8, although it may just be that, because it’s one of the only things I can handle consuming right now, I recognize my need for it and have developed an unnatural affinity for it out of necessity. However, if I can ever drink alcohol again (and at this rate, that’s a pretty big "if") I may just have to try a Bloody Mary, which never appealed to me before but now, who knows….
I hate DC comics for revamping all their titles and characters and relaunching them all in September with #1 issues. I hate myself even more that I’m actually going to pick up the first few issues of 13 different titles and give it a chance. I’m such a pathetic comic book addict.
I can fit into my "skinny jeans" but I’m too tired to go anywhere and show that off or really enjoy it right now. Plus, snug clothes and random bloating don’t mix.
My wedding ring is too big for my ring finger…again…it loosens and tightens with my yo-yoing weight.
That’s all for today, folks. You keep coming back, I’ll keep bitching!