48 hours after the onset of my most recent blockage, I seem to have finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel (pseudo-pun intended.)
I’ve been through this before. Many times, in fact. Extended periods of pain, near immobility, and absence of food and drink really wreaks havoc on one’s system. It can take me a good week of rest and VERY cautious eating to start to feel like my old self again, not to mention the psychological recovery from the anger, fear, frustration and worry. Unfortunately, as the episodes begin to occur more frequently, I am getting less time to recover between bouts of illness and it is really depleting my resiliency. I have begun to feel like I am only “healthy” long enough to gain enough strength to make it through the next blockage or bout of illness. I do everything I am instructed to do by my doctors and researched better ways to eat and live to avoid these problems as much as possible. I believe I do what I can to stay as healthy as possible with exercise and diet.
We can all see how well that’s working.
I don’t want my life to be one episode of pain and discomfort after another. I don’t want to spend all of my time out of work in bed at home. I don’t want to miss out on seeing my friends or going to barbecues and parties. I don’t want to stop making plans for fear of having to cancel them, last minute, as I’ve had to do multiple times recently.
I’m starting to feel I should just give in and give up and resign myself to a life of solitude, inactivity and bottles of ensure and just hope Netflix and comic books can entertain and sate me enough for the rest of my years until that one final life-ending episode that puts an end to this deficient body and all it’s complications.
Sorry this is so dark…I’ve had precious little sleep, I’m cosmo and sugar deprived, my nerves are a wreck, I’m depressed about missing 4 social engagements over the last couple of days and, despite my lack of food, I feel fat today. If that’s not all good enough reason or excuse for being a Debbie Downer, I don’t know what is.
On the plus side: I finally got caught up on True Blood and Project Runway.