1 step forward, 2 steps back…

Well, the antibiotics seem to be having some effect. My fever is way down, not usually going higher than 99.8 at it’s worst, lately, but staying below 99. My night sweats have pretty much stopped but my energy levels are still dismal, although I’m definitely “up and around” a bit more, if mostly just around the house. I did make a brief excursion out, as a test run, yesterday, to see Green Lantern. By the time I got home I was totally spent and was in bed the rest of the evening, which is where I have been most of the rest of the weekend. I tried to finish up some small organizing projects in my office, left undone due to the onset of my illness, but that was too much for me. Jeffrey continues to be the super-husband and caretaker, waiting on me hand and foot and handling all chores, shopping and life incidentals. A few friends visited, but the visit left me exhausted and a little depressed.  It’s always hard to see friends when I’m in this state, even thought it was good to see them as well. I know they all care and are concerned, it’s just hard to retell the same medical woes over and over, to be reminded of all the life and events I’m missing. I don’t feel like myself and I am most comfortable shutting everyone out for the duration.

There is some new news, good and bad, since last I posted, as well. I went to the urologist on Friday on a suspicion that my urethral strictures were coming back and I was correct. He also discovered I had a urinary tract infection, which certainly would explain the fever, although not the cough. The antibiotics I’m already on will treat the UTI, so he did not prescribe something new, but he is bringing me back next week to take an internal look at the strictures. (I have to wait until the UTI is gone.) I don’t know if the UTI is the sole infection and reason for the majority of this, but, as I said, there has been some improvement. I will still see the Infectious Disease Specialist on Tuesday and see what he thinks about all this.

I also suspect I may have a blood clot in my right leg. I had one there before, the last time I was in the hospital, and I have the same bruised, sore feeling I had that led me to complain in the hospital and resulted in an ultrasound which discovered the clot. As both Jeffrey and I have had clots in the past, we have compression stockings at home so I have taken to wearing them as a precaution until I can talk to the doctors about it. Yup, when it rains it pours and I’m really starting to drown in all this.

On the advice of some fellow bloggers, I did not get myself admitted to the hospital and we bought some home mold test kits to put around the house to check for mold. (Leave no stone unturned, right?) I see the IDS on Tuesday so I just have to make it another day or so before I can get more input on this. More than the physical hell this is putting me through, the toll it is taking on my psyche is not good. I am completely on edge, a total bag of nerves, and have no patience for anything. Every little thing sets me off, I am critical of everything and everyone and my resentment about the situation continues to grow.  I sleep, but my dreams are not pleasant and I rarely feel rested. I feel like I’m losing  myself in this and I keep wondering how far down the hole I will fall before I am able to halt my descent and start climbing out of it.  I want my health back.  I want my life back. I feel so helpless, because I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel…and I’m growing very afraid of the dark.

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7 Responses to 1 step forward, 2 steps back…

  1. Thinking about you. Which is about all I can offer from this distance. Unless you can think of something. *hugs*

  2. Robin says:

    You are so dear and precious, as is your Jeffrey. Keep your chin up; things will get better. Your patience and fortitude will pay off in the end; you know that it is imperative that you keep a positive attitude. Find something, anything, that will keep your spirits as a reasonable level.

    Much Love and Hugs to you both!
    xoxo

  3. Sean says:

    I’m glad there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t offer much but I have found two things that may help the night sweats, they work for my mom. Place a cold towel on the back of your neck or on top of your head. Before going to sleep, use baby powder w/cornstarch (has to have cornstarch).

    Good luck and speedy recovery.

  4. Raybeard says:

    I read the justifiable near-despair in your words S/b. if there has been no further deterioration the fact that it’s still hanging around is depressing enough. I hope what you achieved by going out is but the first, modest step in the right direction, to be succeeded gradually by more such. But until these troubles are pinned down and rectified we will continue our deep concern for you.
    In an hour I’m off for a few days to visit my sister but while I’m there I know now that you won’t be far from my thoughts. Only hope that when on return I’ll read something more hopeful about your progress. (And thank heavens for Jeffrey! Will you please express our gratitude to him on our behalf?) Cuddles and smoochy XXXXXs

  5. Bill J says:

    *hug*

  6. Brent says:

    Good news..sort of.

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