So I’m on day 9 of fever with still no clue as to why. My last test was a TB test and that came back negative. Now my doctors are totally baffled as to what’s causing the fever and cough so we’re at a stand still until they can figure out what to do. They seem more concerned about the cough (going on 3 months of that now) than the constant fever.
Despite having zero energy and feeling like death warmed over 24/7, I’ve had to come to work this week, so, since I have to sit here I figured I might as well plunk out a post, although even that seems like a lot of effort. Yesterday, I got home, went upstairs and went right to bed. Jeffrey made and brought me dinner later in the evening. My appetite has been low and my stomach is starting to have waves of queasiness so I’ve mostly been drinking fluids and eating soups, fruit, applesauce and yogurt in small portions.
I am depressed and worried because I don’t know what’s wrong, I feel awful, and yet I still have to try to function. I am starting to wonder if I will ever feel well again and if this is the beginning of something far worse. I’m used to it taking time to diagnose me, but this is even long for me. I have had no life…just sleeping and staying home and sitting zombie-like at work for 8 hours at a time while my head pounds and the chills and sweats come and go. There is a huge rally for marriage equality taking place across the street from my work today and I don’t even have the energy to walk over there, which really upsets me given how important it is.
This is wearing on my physically, emotionally and mentally and I find myself not wanting to leave my bed, let alone my room, let a lone my house. I still have move-in projects to finish up, I didn’t get to go see Green Lantern, I’ve missed 2 fun social events and haven’t seen any of my friends in over a week (They’d visit but I just don’t have the energy or proper mood to be decent company.) Jeffrey has had to handle all the chores and running around on top of waiting on me. All I want to do is stay under the blankets. I honestly wish they would just hospitalize me and run tests all day and night until they figure out what’s wrong. At least I’d feel like someone was actively doing something.
I feel weak, powerless and a little hopeless right now. If it weren’t for Jeffrey, I honestly don’t know how I’d survive these periods of sickness. Sometimes, all I can do is hold on…but even I have my limits.