So I’m on day 9 of fever with still no clue as to why. My last test was a TB test and that came back negative. Now my doctors are totally baffled as to what’s causing the fever and cough so we’re at a stand still until they can figure out what to do. They seem more concerned about the cough (going on 3 months of that now) than the constant fever.

Despite having zero energy and feeling like death warmed over 24/7, I’ve had to come to work this week, so, since I have to sit here I figured I might as well plunk out a post, although even that seems like a lot of effort. Yesterday, I got home, went upstairs and went right to bed. Jeffrey made and brought me dinner later in the evening. My appetite has been low and my stomach is starting to have waves of queasiness so I’ve mostly been drinking fluids and eating soups, fruit, applesauce and yogurt in small portions.

I am depressed and worried because I don’t know what’s wrong, I feel awful, and yet I still have to try to function. I am starting to wonder if I will ever feel well again and if this is the beginning of something far worse. I’m used to it taking time to diagnose me, but this is even long for me. I have had no life…just sleeping and staying home and sitting zombie-like at work for 8 hours at a time while my head pounds and the chills and sweats come and go. There is a huge rally for marriage equality taking place across the street from my work today and I don’t even have the energy to walk over there, which really upsets me given how important it is.

This is wearing on my physically, emotionally and mentally and I find myself not wanting to leave my bed, let alone my room, let a lone my house. I still have move-in projects to finish up, I didn’t get to go see Green Lantern, I’ve missed 2 fun social events and haven’t seen any of my friends in over a week (They’d visit but I just don’t have the energy or proper mood to be decent company.) Jeffrey has had to handle all the chores and running around on top of waiting on me.  All I want to do is stay under the blankets. I honestly wish they would just hospitalize me and run tests all day and night until they figure out what’s wrong. At least I’d feel like someone was actively doing something.

I feel weak, powerless and a little hopeless right now. If it weren’t for Jeffrey, I honestly don’t know how I’d survive these periods of sickness. Sometimes, all I can do is hold on…but even I have my limits.



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18 Responses to Blue

  1. JC says:

    Dude, get well soon. I thought it was Free Ball Monday, I’m so confused!

  2. Ugh. I will hold you in the Light.

  3. JimA says:

    I really hope you get feeling better! Sending you hugs and good healing thoughts.

  4. Robin says:

    Get well soon, please! Having to be without your blogs makes me very sad ;( I am wishing you well and sending much love and hugs your way. Stay positive. I know you can do this…I just feel awful that you are having to go through all of this. Much love to Jeffrey as well, for being such a good Husband and Nurse 🙂 Shall I send over some luck of the Irish blessings, Mr. Seanigan O’Breen? (i kinda like that, lol)
    Much Love and Hugs

  5. Tai says:

    Aww! You might not believe but I think your new house somehow affect your energy.

  6. Victor says:

    I’m thinking of you and hope the problerm is identified and you are on the road to recovery before long.

  7. Urspo says:

    I am saddened as well. You know we all wish you a speedy recovery. Only comfort is I have seen many a case of this, and they eventually dissipate, never at the rate the patient wants it to be. I wish I had more to give you.

  8. Brent says:

    I’m keeping you in my thoughts and sending plenty of positive energy…. stay strong.

  9. Ray says:

    Will keep you in my prayer. Can you try to trace back to the few days before you came down with this fever and see if you have ate or came in contact with something that could be the cause? hugs

  10. Cubby says:

    Greg and I have been thinking and worrying about you. Sending peace your way.

  11. RG says:

    Feel better soon. I don’t want to have to drive to Upstate NY to deliver vodka and chicken soup! 😉

  12. anne marie in philly says:

    awwwwwwwwwwww, sassybear…I was wondering what was going on…please know you are in my thoughts. I want you to get well soon so that we can have a “girls weekend” together!

    smooches and {{{{{hugs}}}}} and love!

  13. Buddy Bear says:

    Hugs and positive thoughts. The doctors seem as anxious to get to the bottom of this as much as you do, so that’s a good thing.

  14. Bill J says:

    Big hug.

    Stay within the boundaries and limits that you need to maintain your strength.

  15. Add my love, hugs and happy thoughts to those coming in from your friends who care. You are in my thoughts. This is where I wish I had a magic wand. (I know I’m leaving myself open here . . . )

  16. AjohnP says:

    Take comfort in the fact that there are plenty of folks sending lots love, hugs, and happy thoughts your way. And thank goodness for that hubby of yours!!! Feel better soon. xoxo

  17. Raybeard says:

    My anxiety about you had been mounting for several days now – and now it’s clear that anxiety is not misplaced.This is HORRIBLE, S/B. You want to be back to fully functioning normality – and we all want you back as your inimitable, warm, sassy self. May the experts find the cause of the problem pronto-plus and start successfully treating it. I send you all the wishes I can muster for a very rapid return to health. Meantime, if you can bear it, though it must be hard, please keep us up-to-date on progress, which we fervently hope will be real, measurable and, above all, successful. You’re always in our thoughts, S/B. Shedloads of love to you.

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