>Karma

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I’m sure it comes as no surprise that the only thing I have been able to think about in the last 24 hours (or thereabouts) is the house. Despite a brief respite last night, attending a small dinner party at a friend’s house, that is all that has been on my mind and waking up this morning, descending the stairs into the living room, turning on the fireplace, letting Clyde out into the yard and settling down into the sofa, everything I do and see right now in the house has a surreal look and feel to it. What felt like a home we would be in indefinitely before I left for Boston on Thursday now feels like a temporary space until we find a new home.

It’s moment like this I am reminded that, much like every other bogus think we were brainwashed into believing in, Karma is bullshit. We have always striven to be the best people we could be, sharing our home and resources with friends and family (and other people’s families and friends.) We have tried to be generous, even when it hurts. We have tried to be awesome tenants and neighbors. We have always paid our debt, said our thanks, showed our appreciation and been honest. We work hard, give back, fight for equality, stand up for others and welcome people into our home and lives. We try to turn the other cheek, take the higher road and always do what we think is right.

But life has yet to show me anything that proves there is even an ounce of Karma because, honestly, things like this happen to us all the time and it gets really tiring; especially when I constantly see people around us who appear to be selfish, greedy, bigoted, hurtful, mean, cruel and dishonest people, yet always luck into great jobs, homes, big money, inherited property, winning tickets, fame, fortune etc etc.

I have come to realize and accept that, sometimes, life just sucks and kicks your ass hard and no amount of being good, decent folk is going to change that. You can’t influence your luck or build karma points by doing good and being good people. You have to do those things knowing that the only reason to do so is because that’s the kind of person you want to be. There is going to be no reward, there is going to be no payoff, things are not going to go better for you for doing it or being that way.

We love where we live. It has been the most at home we have ever felt. We have opened our doors to countless guests, thrown countless parties, spent scads of money keeping this place running and entertaining people. We have shared all it has to offer with everyone we know and never once have we expected anything in return other than to continue living here for the duration. Apparently, that was too much to ask for and expect.

Yeah, I’m a bit bitter and pissed and downtrodden about it. Yes, I know we will find a new place to live, we will survive the move, yadda yadda yadda. But the truth is, it seems so unfair after all we have done and been through, that we don’t get to enjoy this space a little longer and that we can’t afford to buy it and stay.

If there is karma, she’s a bitch!

So we’re beginning the process of listing the things we need to have in a new space (pets allowed, parking, enough space of our shit, affordable, decent neighborhood, etc etc) and looking around to see what’s out there and available to us. We aren’t in a financial position to buy, so renting again is our only option right now. Yes, the house may sit on the market for some time, but we do not relish the idea of having people coming in and out of our home to look at it, just waiting for the shoe to drop and be given the notice that the house has sold and we have to move. Who wants to live like that?

So much for relaxing and enjoying the summer here.

Sigh.

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