This morning I woke up to the sound of rain..the same rain I had heard throughout the night as I drifted in and out of sleep.
“Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain…”
There was something soothing and peaceful about it. When it rains outside, it is always a stark reminder that I am inside, warm and dry and safe from the elements.; a very incidentally poignant thought, considering I was to discover within the hour about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.
“I feel the earth move under my feet…”
The husband awoke and climbed from the bed. I watched the dance of his morning routine and stared at his handsome visage as he prepared for work while the puppy playfully nuzzled and pounced on me to try to force me out of bed.
“Just call me Angel of the morning, Angel…”
“And they call it Puppy love…”
After 45 minutes of lounging in bed, catching up on this mornings disaster and news sensationalism, I pulled myself out of bed, mulling over the idea of looking for a buddy to have a breakfast with or just enjoying a home cooked breakfast alone in my quiet and empty house.
“This is the sound of silence…”
I decided it would be nice not to stay in and enjoy breakfast at home by the fire, just me and Clyde, serenaded by the rain.
“Trickle Trickle! Splash Splash!”
I start my mental list of things I want to do today: artwork, trombone, crochet, clean…but I am quickly side tracked by thoughts of this house, money, my job, the future, my weight, goals, plans, etc. and I find myself sitting quietly and just letting my thoughts flow as they will.
“Alone with my thoughts and memories…”
I look around at my home and wonder how I got here and how long I’ll be here. I pet my dog and wonder how we ever lucked out to have such a well behaved, loving companion. and how much longer we will get to enjoy him. I start to wander about my home, thinking about all that has happened here, good and bad and if it is still worth the money we spend to live here, then stop in front of the mirror, poking and prodding at all the parts of my body I hate and are painful for me to look at and wonder if I will or can ever work hard enough to have the body I want.
“Take me down, where I want to be. Turn around this man who lives inside of me.”
I snap out of my self reflection and return my focus to the day and what I can do that will be the most productive, enjoyable and relaxing. I am tempted by the friendly chats and text messages I am receiving on my iphone, but resist getting pulled in and recommit to my day of solitude.
“I hear you knocking but you can’t come in.”
I take a breath and accept that I can’t solve all of my problems today, that not all goals will be achieved and that I have a limited amount of time today to do a limited amount of things, so I give myself permission to stop counting the minutes and projects and worrying about what needs to get done, what yesterday wrought and what tomorrow will bring and just go with the flow today and do whatever appeals to me to do, however much of it I can and want to do in whatever way I see fit to do it. And I let the music play in in my head…the soundtrack of my life, carrying me onto and through the next chapter of a day in my life.
“So I say thank you for the music, the song I’m singing…”