>Loose Change

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After a lot of thought and consideration, I have decided to cancel my plans for a blogger get together at my house in August. Friends will always be welcome to come for a visit as time and opportunity allows, but I don’t feel I can commit to such a large scale event at my home in the future at this time. I have come to realize that too much changes too often and too quickly , sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of personal desire, for me to feel comfortable making such long term plans on such a big scale.

Sorry.

It’s been a transformative week or two for me. I am learning to really accept that the world and people and life just do not operate the way I think they should (or want them to or hope they will) and it will continue to be a source of consternation, frustration, disappointment and pain for me until I can learn to adapt appropriately and accept things as they are instead of wishing them to be otherwise.

Maybe I don’t have to become a different person – I don’t even know how and not sure that I could – but I do have to learn to think differently and expect and accept less from those that I interact with. I also have to accept that I will always be a living paradox – a social loner: someone craving acceptance and love by and from everyone while staunchly refusing to change all that continues to make me an outcast. I want to be liked, but for who I am, not who others want or need me to be and I’m learning to accept that more as people continue to fall out of my life and friendships die all around me, dropping like flies. I continue to hope that, when all is said and done, who and what I will be left with will be something strong and unique and good and true and stable…even if it means I am left with only myself.

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10 Responses to >Loose Change

  1. Robin says:

    >Seeing you write that you have to expect and accept less from those you interact with makes me a bit sad. Don't ever compromise your worth, for those who aren't worthy of your friendship; if anything, expect more! You are worthy and deserving and should never settle for less. Let the bad fruit fall from the tree, and be glad. Focus on harvesting the good; it is the most delightful and delicious of all. 🙂

  2. RG says:

    >A thorough house cleaning every once in a while is not a bad thing.

  3. wcs says:

    >Making decisions isn't always easy, especially if you want to please. But as you know, it's most important to please yourself and those closest to you first. The rest follows.I'm pleased that you're recognizing whatever limitations there are and not setting yourself up for a disaster later. Like D@avid said, real friends understand and don't judge.

  4. Ur-spo says:

    >In time, You will host those who matter and are true blogger buddies viz people who like/love you unconditionally. Not to be worrying !

  5. anne marie says:

    >can I still come visit in the spring?

  6. D@vid says:

    >We've had this conversation before… just remember that if you demand respect from your friends and you don't get it… and you turn and walk away and they don't follow you, they're not your friends to begin with. You are a special guy… and should treat yourself as such. You don't need a whole array of friends that can't live up to basic human standards… you only need a few. Like me and your other friends on here… people that are genuinely interested and invested in your life. 🙂

  7. Breenlantern says:

    >Nick: I do have that someone in my husband; Unfortunately, I have tried to build a chosen family and enlarge our social circle and family with other people we could count on and trust and love that would give us the same back and I have failed miserably. Perhaps your comment can serve to remind me that I am lucky to have found one person like that and should not be so selfish as to hope for more since one is more than many have. I do not believe the friendships I seek exist, so I will have to learn to settle for one amazing husband and a handful of friendly acquaintances. I have always had a dream of a large family of friends that would go through life together and be there until the end. It is time to accept it for what it is – a dream.

  8. Nick says:

    >if you are lucky someone will walk into your life and make you aware of your worth at the precise moment that you need reminding. someone will love you honestly and selflessly with a wide open heart and little regard for reciprocation. someone will take one step forward as you take one step back. someone who, if you turn to run, will spin you around and show you that life’s endless possibilities can be found, in part, in the light emanating from his bright eyes.

  9. MattyMalone says:

    >You are loved and not accepted, but embraced for who you are. The people that do are the only ones worth giving your sweet friendship to. The rest aren't worth your time.Wow. Now if I'd only listen to my own shit…

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