It’s been a transformative week or two for me. I am learning to really accept that the world and people and life just do not operate the way I think they should (or want them to or hope they will) and it will continue to be a source of consternation, frustration, disappointment and pain for me until I can learn to adapt appropriately and accept things as they are instead of wishing them to be otherwise.
Maybe I don’t have to become a different person – I don’t even know how and not sure that I could – but I do have to learn to think differently and expect and accept less from those that I interact with. I also have to accept that I will always be a living paradox – a social loner: someone craving acceptance and love by and from everyone while staunchly refusing to change all that continues to make me an outcast. I want to be liked, but for who I am, not who others want or need me to be and I’m learning to accept that more as people continue to fall out of my life and friendships die all around me, dropping like flies. I continue to hope that, when all is said and done, who and what I will be left with will be something strong and unique and good and true and stable…even if it means I am left with only myself.