>Cold and Crazy


It’s always weird when I’m sick and don’t have the energy or desire or physical capacity to get up and about per my usual behavior and habits. I have never gotten used to being so inactive or energiless, despite the inordinate amount of times I find myself in this situation; and whenever I am like this, without the distraction of my friends and activities, my mind gets to wandering to all kinds of places, some of theme dark, but most of them just…contemplative. I start questioning where I am, what I’m doing, where I want to be and what I want to do. I think about all the relationships in my life, the ones that exist or the ones that used to, and the people I have yet, but still hope, to meet. I think about my health (obviously) and my body…all the efforts I’ve made and continue to make, my successes and failures, how far I’ve come and how far I have yet to go; the things I have control over (my weight and exercise) and the things I don’t (compromised digestive track and the various inflammations and ailments that come with it.) I think about society and all the things I have come to reject about what I was taught to believe about my life and the world and right and wrong. I think about my marriage and my dog, my career and my debt, the places I’ve been and the places I still want to go. I think about the things I hope will change and the things I hope never will. Ultimately, I come to that moment where I ask myself: Am I happy? Am I content? Is this enough? Could I do better? Should I? Will I? Will this be my life in a year or will it all change, for better or for worse? After all, my life now is NOTHING like it was 5 years ago…a different home, different job, new cast of friends….nothing stays the same. I try not to spend a lot of time worrying about things (and am rarely successful.) I try very hard to accept things the way they are, to accept people for who they are and to accept myself as I am. Things happen and all we can do is try to react and adapt the best we can. And then I wonder:

Just what the hell is in this cold medicine anyway?

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9 Responses to >Cold and Crazy

  1. Kyle says:

    >Sounds like the big D. I've had to deal with it most of my life too. This is a very hard time of year for me as it is for most people in northern climates who have to deal with depression. Just don't stay in that dark place too long Sean. It feeds on you staying there and holding you down, all the while pulling on insecurity. Don't give it the satisfaction. You're worth much more than that.

  2. Cubby says:

    >next time, try a hot body.

  3. Ur-spo says:

    >next time, try a hot toddy.

  4. Alan says:

    >Good morning, sunshine! I hope you're feeling better today!

  5. RG says:

    >If I get a snake bite, will you suck the poison out? 🙂

  6. >You're in depression, I think.

  7. wcs says:

    >Doesn't sound like Puppy Uppers. Maybe it's Doggy Downers?Maybe you need a prescription for Fukitol. lol. Get better soon! 🙂

  8. Breenlantern says:

    >RG: who needs the ice cream? And I SO want to be your nurse next time you're sick 🙂

  9. RG says:

    >It's the antihistamine that's giving your the "weird willies". Just do what you normally do, eat some ice cream and wack off. No wait…that's me…never mind.

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