Having said that, I also have grown weary of fighting the beast that is compulsory gift giving and accept that I am going to get things, often things I don’t want or need, from well intentioned friends and family.
With that in mind, I offer up a list of things I truly want and need. If you insist on getting me something, it might as well be something useful, no?
2. Ignorance. I believe there is much truth in the saying “Ignorance is Bliss.” The more I know about people and the workings of societies, governments and religions the angrier and more frustrated I get. I want to go through life with blinders on, doing the best I can to help, do no harm and like and love everyone without regard for what they think or do or believe. I know and have seen too much to do that now, so a nice big batch of ignorance would help bring me to a happy place of bliss (and lower my blood pressure,) I’m sure.
3. A better metabolism. I want to know how the other half lives: the people who can eat what they want, whenever they want, not do an ounce more of physical activity than they need to get through the day, and still keep off weight or shed it like they’re shaking off water. I am weary from my life long battle of the bulge and I want a body and metabolism that doesn’t fight me every step of the way.
4. Willpower. To walk away from that plate of cookies, put down that eggnog, ignore those donut holes and also to get out of bed at 4:30 am every morning and get to the gym. It also would help me hold my tongue in volatile situations when I can’t resist commenting, when I know I should, to keep peace. I need as much of this as I can.
5. Unconditional Forgiveness. I have a harder time with this than I like to admit. When you are willfully cruel or mean or selfish or thoughtless or inconsiderate towards me or others undeserving of it, it is hard for me to forgive. I don’t necessarily feel the need to retaliate, but I don’t seem to ever forget such acts and it diminishes people in my eyes. I don’t have the ability to completely absolve people of these trespasses in my mind and heart and I wish I did. People can change, they can atone, they can genuinely regret, but I always seem to feel they shouldn’t have “done it” in the first place. I’m not talking about minor infractions; I mean tear inducing, heart breaking, life damaging, heart and mind wounding, willful cruelty, rudeness and inconsideration. I believe a bigger, better person can forgive people for such acts in time. I have never been able to – not fully. (This includes forgiving myself.)
6. A large intestine/colon. For reasons I don’t feel comfortable sharing here, I want one again. Losing mine has impacted my life negatively in many ways and I want to be the whole complete person I was, capable of doing everything I want to do, and rid myself of the complications that come from not having one.
7. Talent. I’m not picky. I’ll take talent in comedy, writing, cooking, sewing, music, dance, carpentry, mechanics….hell I’d even be happy if I could do a decent magic trick. I have passion and love for many things, but I was not born with true talent or skill in anything and I long for the ability to entertain and impress people with something I can do better than the average person, perhaps even worthy of applause, if not payment. I suspect I MIGHT have one or two skills that would be considered exceptional, but I’m not as welcome to utilize or perform them in crowds or with my friends or strangers as I would like to be, so I need something more socially, publicly acceptable.
8. Time. I NEVER have enough time for anything. Ever.
9. Energy. Mine has seemed to disappear. I need more.
10. Geographical literacy /sense of direction. Whatever the directional equivalent of color blindness and or dyslexia is, I have it. I want to be able to find my way across a map, across town, hell, across the street even, without getting lost, dumbfounded, baffled, confused and agitated without having to plug in a Tom Tom or use an iPhone App. I don’t know my continents, countries, states or capitols, I don’t know east from west and giving me directions is like speaking to me in Klingon: useless and pointless. It’s not like I don’t try. I study maps and globes constantly. But it doesn’t sink in or stick.
11. Satisfaction. So simple and yet something I so rarely feel. I am always thinking I could and should have said or done something better, reacted or behaved better, cleaned or prepared or cooked or performed better. I rarely, if ever think “job well done” or “this could not have gone better.” On a bigger scale, I want to be OK with where I live, what I do for a living, how I look, my life, and the things I have and do. I want to reach a point at which I’m truly satisfied and no longer feel the constant need and pressure to do more and better.
12. A (working) Green Lantern power ring and battery.