I have nothing to post, so I’m just going to let my mind wander and type whatever comes into my brain. You’ve been warned.
During my near return to the hospital Wednesday morning from what seemed to be another intestinal blockage, I thought “I’m going to die from this.” I’ve never thought that before. Now I wonder if this is what will kill me and when. It seems so unpredictable and unavoidable.
We just consolidated all of our credit card debt into two MUCH lower fixed interest rate loans through our Credit Union which will save us over $6,000.00 in interest and shave at least 2 years off our debt repayment plan. I feel like the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders and I am o longer a victim of the thieving loan sharks that have held us under their thumb for years. We currently have no open credit cards except for American Express. We’ve been living on cash for years anyway, but this makes it all official: bye bye credit cards and a big %$#&!*@! you!
I weigh 159 pounds, thanks to all my recent illness. It is bittersweet that my body betrays and rewards me at the same time. I am not glad to have experienced what I have to be this thin and would take the weight back in a heart beat to have a healthy, functioning intestinal track again (anyone got a large intestine they’re not using?) but since this was thrust upon me, I can at least enjoy wearing 34s again (possible 32s but I don’t currently own any). I don’t want to put weight back on, but I do want to be able to eat a plate of food again that doesn’t result in blockage and send me spiraling into painful spasms for hours and days on end. You can only eat so much soup and apple sauce, people.
I am having my family over to our house, for Thanksgiving dinner, for the first time ever. Well, some of them: My mom, my older sister, her daughter and fiance, my younger brother, one of his sons and a co-worker of Jeffrey’s. I also have an older brother (my oldest, lives in Phoenix: can’t come) and another older brother (married, 2 kids, lives locally, already committed to another dinner and can’t come) and 2 more nephews and a niece (living with the brother’s soon-to-be-ex-wide in Virginia) that would have been welcome if they were hear. Normally I avoid T-day family dinners like the plague, but I’m trying a new approach this year and trying to accept and embrace that this is what family’s do and see how it goes. Mayhap by having it here, in my home, under somewhat of my control, will make a difference. Just wish I could drink, as my cosmos would surely help. Anyone know if ONE day of drinking while you’re on Coumadin will do permanent damage? Because ‘m thinking a damaged kidney just might be worth the risk for some alcohol-induced serenity.
I have a love-hate relationship with my job. Some days I think “I can’t do this day in and day out for the rest of my life” as I plug away at the same data, the same routine, surrounded by the same people over and over; but then I realize I have no interest in starting over somewhere new and how incredibly sweet I have it at my current job: very little to no pressure or stress, no customer service, sweet hours with some flexibility, condensed work schedule with every other Friday off, decent salary and benefits with more raises and increments guaranteed, potential to move up further, excellent reputation, great at what I do, mostly good, decent, respectable, friendly co-workers, lots of holidays and time off and, most importantly, accommodation, support and understanding for my recurring illnesses.
I miss going to the gym and seeing my work-out buddy, Matt. I still hope/plan to return to working out some day, but ‘m afraid to push my body too hard right now after all it’s been through. That’s not an excuse I use not to go, I am genuinely afraid if I push too hard it will shut down (and I have been advised by two doctors to avoid any strenuous exercise beyond walking for now.)
I am still so very in love with this house and living here. I can’t wait to decorate for Christmas. I can’t wait until the summer when we can enjoy the pool again. I love that every day I’m excited to come home to this space. Who knows…maybe somehow and someway, we just might own it some day.
I am having a personal dilemma with someone in my life (or who wants to be) that I don’t click with and don’t want to spend time with. We met him at gay bowling and he seemed nice enough but he’s young, very pushy and clingy, and very immature. He has taking a shining to Jeffrey and me and wants to hang out with us every day and constantly texts, e-mails and calls to see what we’re doing. We have had dinner with him a couple times and had him over for a movie night, but he does not mesh with our other friends (in fact, they don’t like him at all.) I would not let that stop me (my friends don’t dictate who else I can and can’t be friends with) but it just so happens I do not enjoy his company, he is not the kind of person I like being around and he has made some fatal slip-ups: referring to someone he knows is a good friend of mine as an “asshole” twice and standing Jeffrey and I up at a restaurant (for a pre-arranged dinner/movie date he invited us to) for 45 minutes, with no apologies when he arrived. I feel like we have given it an honest try to be friends, but it’s just not there. His latest message “I want you to call me and make plans to get together.” I have not responded. I have always tried to be honest with people in the past and I know I have hurt people because the friendship doesn’t always develop the way they wanted it to, for which i genuinely feel bad, and I DO try to avoid hurting people whenever possible, but I just can’t lie and pretend to like spending time with someone when I don’t or that there’s a friendship there when there’s not. So, have any of you ever had to “break up with” a friend or tell someone you’re not interested in spending time with them? Is it more cruel to be honest or just ignore them? What is the right thing to do? Ugggh!
I have a confession to make: I like bowling. I like my new ball and shoes. I genuinely want to get better at bowling for myself and my team. I like meeting my fellow gays at the bowling alley for a night of pin knocking. There! I said it. My name is Idle Eyes and I’m a gay bowler.
The most exciting thing that has happened to me recently, aside from seeing 159 lbs. on the scale, was winning a full run of the original Ms. Marvel comic series on eBay and getting my Justice League Unlimited 3 pack action figure set with Apache Chief, Samurai and Black Vulcan in the mail. Now if they’d just make a Wonder Twins set, I’d be in heaven.
I’m concerned that contributions to Undie Monday have dropped off a bit. You all make it possible, so without your contributions, it can’t happen. I hope it’s just a lull and we’ll be back to a full participation with all our regulars and, hopefully, some new folks, soon. Thanks for all those who manage to contribute each week. I know it takes time and effort and it’s much appreciated. And for those who have had to drop out for whatever reason…please come back as soon as you’re able…we miss you.
OK, that’s enough free thought for the day. Thanks for those who made it through. Have a great weekend.