Out of control
Control is an illusion.
There is very little we have actual control over. We fool ourselves into believing that we are “in control” or “have control” of a given situation. What we actually do is try to increase the chances that things will go the way we want them to, or decrease the chances they will not. But there are so many “x factors” in our world, environment, bodies, minds, communities, etc. that directly impact us, that it is, or at least seems, nigh impossible to truly ensure any particular outcome or condition.
Control has been an issue in my life for as long as I can remember.
I prefer to have it.
I rarely do.